Kaleidoscopic faces stare
Glare at this nonchalant intruder
Stepping into their light
Claiming a vacant space
Eyes averted
Barely heard
Murmured
Conversations
Resume familiar stories
Half told, brief glances
Into everyday lives
City life slips by
Just a moment held
In a window, framed
Then lost
Slipping into the night
Cold dark holds wide open arms
The traveller alights
At journeys end
Another blank face caught
Reflected in the window's light
A contest entry
- QUICKIE, ENDS SUNDAY by TheRoughDraft.
380 points, ended April 20, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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your words made a very interesting journey...congrats on the trophy
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I particularly like the last two stanza's, though I thought that the first two were quite slow and a bit vague. Maybe in the second line of stanza one you could try "Glaring at this nonchalant intruder", just to help with the overall musicality. I like the conciseness of language, but I kinda yearn for more
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Comments from others are always so helpful. I originally had 'Glaring' and changed it at the last minute so it's interesting that you pointed this out. Thanks.
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Very descriptive.
'Conversations
Resume familiar stories
Half told, brief glances
Into everyday lives'
I loved this notion especially. I thought the ending was a little weak but thats just my opinion. otherwise i thought it was a great piece. Im seeing quite a lot of good writes in this contest, yours is definitely one of them
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Thank you for your comments. I did have a little trouble with the ending and definitely appreciate your opinion.
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