The clock ticks
as black thorns wrap around her mind
plunging her world into darkness
decayed in her heart, she was broken and torn
frozen droplets of murder oozed betrayel
her eyes remaind open
waiting
just waiting
her porcelain flesh now crucified by his memory
tainted by lies and decite
she tries to breathe
as she reaches from her grave
but she dies
as now time has run out
Author notes
ive found as of recently when i write poems about myself i write i believe in 2nd person. i try to create imagery rather then using just too many words if that makes sense. i personally think this poem speaks for itself but if you would like to know what the meaning behind it is, then feel free to ask
A contest entry
- The Pain of Love by Rain-Shot-Rose.
600 points, ended April 20, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 15 entries, no comment from judge, free shinies! by DarkHunter.
450 points, ended June 5, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Filled with emotion, any kind of poetry by Vidasmoke.
675 points, ended July 14, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into Gold (or silver or bronze) pt 4 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended September 6, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Walking into the Darkness! by vampireblood.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
-
I like this alot. The poem was strong overall. I like your word choice as well. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
Vampy -
Those first few lines are very strong, this is a very good poem. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
-
WOW
Beatifully and perfectly chosen vocabulary! I love the story behind it as well. It's like something Shakespearean! cooooooooool!!! LOVE IT!
-
-
thank you and the fact you said this is like shakespearean means sooooo much to me because he is my favorite author of all time, and i would love to be able to have even a quarter talent of what he had.
-
-
Very really emotion, great work!
I really like it!!! -
Cool poem. I like it in a big way.
You are awesome. Your fame is close by. The ones that love you are very lucky. Keep up the great work. I want you as ... a favorite now.
-
-
wow thank you so much for such a lovely comment. you've really made my day
-
-
Wow, this is a great poem. I really emjoyed this poem alot. It has amazing imagery. Great job on this one.
~W.W~ -
Well done.
-
wow.
this is fucking amazing!
i cant believe ihavn't read your poetry before!
-decayed in her heart, she was broken and torn
frozen droplets of murder oozed betrayel
-fav lines!!
-
-
thank you. a friend of mine told me to get all metaphorical, so i did to appease him, then ended up really liking this piece, lol
-
-
I can definitely relate to this. Beautifully written, darling =)
-
-
wow thank you for such the nice comment
-
-
Very moving, powerful. Good write, I liked it.
-
-
thank you
-
-
i like it,
i do get the meaning behind it
nice piece
good luck
-
I am struggling with a comment here, not because it's a bad write, just because it stings. This is by no means a bad write and I am just one person. It's a very sad write and the ending would move anyone with a heart. I appreciate your author notes and thank you for entering.
-
-
Most of my stuff tends to be dark, whether im feeling that way or not, but as of recently when i write i try to pull deep from with in me. Thank you for the comment, i greatly appreciate it
-
-
well this was just beautiful...your imagery was very well done and there is lots of pain and suffering. i wish you luck in my contest my friend
-
The images are great through out this piece and I love the background. Just a couple spelling errors:
betrayel - betrayal remaind - remained
decite - deceit -
-
yeah i have a bit of a hard time spelling sometimes, been that way since i was younger, but thank you for the comment
-
-
very powerful
I think writing about pain in the 2nd person means you trying to look inside self from the outside, I'm not sure it works in this as it,s to personal, the imagery is from the first person if you see what i mean,
-
-
yeah i do see what you mean
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 23 of 23
