Person 1:
I'll offer you the hardest intake of air
and the world, for an instant,
will be magnified
and you'll know your own life.
Person 2:
Forcibly swallowed,
your rough hands chaining my mouth
the beautiful after-effects
of the brillancy of pain
are too much for my hacking lungs to swallow
Person 1:
That air is lost inside of you
the remains of which
are empty space and no recollection
I am unbranded by any change;
and depart, satisfied by my gift to you.
Person 2:
I have no mark
with which to plead my case
only the lessening burn in my chest
and the knowledge
that the colors of the world have shifted.
Author notes
I have some work to do on this one; though I'm not sure that any work on it would be worth it. I want to find a different way of dividing it than "Person 1" and "Person 2" but I don't know how else to represent the different speakers.
Comments
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Reminded me of this short 6 piece poem series I did well over a year ago. It had the root title of "Frayed Pages". I did it in the same format, except for using 'names' for the speakers. You should look for it. Compare and such.
I could see some of the parts that need a bit of tweeking but I think the point gets a cross either way. I'd like to see it develop into something more and grow more complex in emotion.
There's the minor spelling error of the words 'plead' and 'knowledge'. Oh, and a missing comma at the end of the second line. That's all, though.
"I'll offer you the hardest intake of air
and the world, for an instant
will be magnified
and you'll know you're own life."
(the strongest stanza [[the phrase I think you can expand on if you were to continue it]]...)
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Confer names to the characters,
as one emotion speaking to another---
depending on how you envision the scene????
Aesthete
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