How can I fathom it?
Death. Loss. Gone. Forever. Forever. Gone.
Pain so hard that screaming does not help,
Shaking and trembling with a hard, hollow, shaking aching.
Aching like an old oak creaking and breaking and crashing into the frozen icy creak.
Aching like an old dog rising for it's last drink, falling, moaning into the chilly water.
Aching like an ancient wound, festering green, gangrenous, pus filled, oozing pain.
Aching like being wrapped in sorrow; a gagging, suffocating, drowning sorrow.
Tired and drained, like sorrow stole the last breath from my soul.
Tired forever, like I'm free falling through sleepless chasms of pain.
Tired so tired. Afraid of tomorrow's angry reddening desolate dawn.
Tired like the Forlorn Hope. Struggling in the quicksand of an impossible reality.
My god, if only I could remember how to sleep,
Maybe I could forget the wakening horror.
If only I could sleep, I would sleep for a thousand years.
Yes, if only I could sleep, I would never wake up.
Yes, I would never wake up. If only, I could never wake up.
Maybe then, some peace would befall me.
Maybe then, some desperate, fleeting, cruel wistful peace would befall me.
Maybe then, some peace would embrace me for the briefest of moments.
A quiet, white, surrounding, still waters, moment.
Maybe then, the aching, trembling, plague of pain would cease.
Maybe then, I could forget. Maybe then, I could sleep.
Maybe then, I would never wake up.
Maybe then, I would never be alone.
Maybe then, I would not have to be alive,
Without you.
A contest entry
- Another Poetic Theory by Judith Chandler.
525 points, ended April 19, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Powerful poem which captures the very depths of grief. I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. May your grief ease with time and the love of those who surround you as you walk this lonely road.
This line really says it all to me:
"Aching like an old dog rising for it's last drink, falling, moaning into the chilly water."
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I like the staccato effect in the first verse, as if you were at a loss for words and reduced to incoherence. The peace really captures that helpless sense of loss; that part about sleep is powerful.
There are a few typos but other than that, it's well done.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
this is an emotional and energetic piece of writing. It's about loss, but it's not at all clear what or who has been lost. it's more about the self-pity and self-absorption of the person who feels the loss.
the poem doesn't really have a start and end - it's more like a big middle.
this is my fave bit:
Aching like an old oak creaking and breaking and crashing into the frozen icy creak.
Aching like an old dog rising for it's last drink, falling, moaning into the chilly water.
good luck in the contest.
best wishes,
myron.
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