The Game

There are some days
Where I am happy you cant see me
with the tear stains down my cheeks
my eyes red with pain
and my heart filled with confusion...

What you cant see
is the struggle I deal with
to make everyone happy
I have to
make everyone happy
there is no "me first"
not in my world....

When I see my mom upset
over a choice I am trying to make for myself
my heart aches
because its never "me first"
and never will be...

But I can deal with that
I can make compromises
make deals
im good with bartering with her
but when you threaten me
saying you dont want me to come with you on a trip
we have planned
and hyped up
all because of a battle
over a choice...
then no thank you
I think I might pass
because if you dont want me to put "me first"
and want me to continue putting "you first"
while you put "you first" as well
then I dont want to play follow the leader anymore...

I'm making my own game.

Author notes

Im SICK of people trying to control me becasue for once, I WANT TO CONTROL ME!! I fricking want to go to Central Washington U, not middle of fucking nowhere carroll college and now my mom is crying over me not going to the lesser college cuz my best friend is going there and now my boyfriend who is supposed to support me and not throw crap at me is threating not taking me on the vacation we planned together because my stupid mom is fucking controling!! now im sitting her crying my eyes out typing on my poor keyboard hard and getting more and more pissed by the moment! I WANT TO FUCKING CONTROL MYSELF!!