Sitting on the bus.
We share space.
We share time
(Do we share reality?)
Sunlight in her hair.
Rainbow hues
dancing mirthfully.
(Not reflected in her eyes)
Mundane preoccupation.
Work.
(She is a secretary)
Boss.
(Too demanding)
Lunch.
(I’m getting fat)
A flash of memory.
A man
(a scent of musk)
A touch
(sensual, intimate)
A time
(soft darkness)
It is my stop.
Her thoughts travel on.
Author notes
Prompt: Transportation
Picture Credit: On a Bus by *inessentialstuff (http://inessentialstuff.deviantart.com/art/On-a-Bus-79062950)
A contest entry
- QUICKIE, ENDS SUNDAY by TheRoughDraft.
380 points, ended April 20, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Comments Always Welcome
Comments
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The first two stanzas I really liked a lot, you managed to capture that idea of transitory comradeship that often exists on a bus trip really well with beginning and end and the imagery in the second stanza was great. Good luck in the competition.
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Quite obscure, but its good. I liked the way you summed up the people you were travelling with. My favourite part was definitly -
'Sitting on the bus.
We share space.
We share time
(Do we share reality?)'
I think the brackets are a bit odd, but everybody to their own style i suppose! Yep i liked this one!
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Wowzers!! That was fab!!
I love where you took her thoughts... isn't it just like that when we let our mind wander that this things just pop into our head.
Well done!!
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