his hair moved as gulf water
in a way that guilted myself into seeking beauty
from rustic landscapes to blank images of
nirvana imagined
old paradigms proven incorrect
and uninvited
i held you in the rain
your face pressed against my bones
begging for the snow to stay, never having emotion
be a part of my nature
before
i shivered,
yet
we were warmed by this
new elements changing atoms
theories and religions
finding that we were not in line
for future deity
not in line for
anything
but death
and us
our skin pruned and glistening
repulsed by the beauty of love
that covers my chest
ever since the night we met
and spent time
on that bed
you touched me
and from behind madonna whispered sweetly
leading me through a dream, taking inventory
of life experiences and emotion
heart ache and mindsets
all of which she wished for me
to share with you
naked
lying in laughable situations and positions
sheets never accepting this
like god would have
but i'm breathless in your shadow
living in separate beds, open only now
to a night repulsed by the beauty of water
at sea
held by you
Author notes
prompt; may contain small parts.
to incorporate that idea, we took lines from our favorite poems and married them together. our finished product is an array of some of kevin's and my favorite written lines of the past, reworked, and pieced together with brand new material to construct a whole new poem.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I love the way you write. A bit confused as it seems you began talking about him, and then started talking to him. Overall this was great.
Did you start a whole new account?
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I honestly didn't even know this was a collaboration until I saw your notes. I thought you two did a good job blending your two styles together cohesively.
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hm well it was nice idea but i feel it could have been compaceted a bit.
it dragged on a bit; but it did work; and the madonna part really reminded me of cocorosie <3
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I wouldn’t go as far as to say this was perfect. Looking through the stanzas, it kind of made me wish you would have taken one road or the other. Actually, nevermind that. I would have taken the poem, minus the first two stanzas. They just weren’t there for me. The nirvana line, sure. It was relevance, but otherwise, it was useless imagery to me.
I found that nature-face-bones image so strong, gah. I loved it thoroughly. It was really grand, I must say. It’s probably the section that has stuck with me. Your play on the word nature was amazing also.
I have to also comment on the fact that you guys were the first group, that I’ve read so far, to take your prompt to the next level. You DID something with small parts. I appreciate that a ton & think it was out of the box.
Kudos.
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great one, somehow, though I didn't form any inline images and didn't understand a thing you said... another 'voice/mood' piece; a bit mystically erotic- the last few stanzas; better than what I've read in poetry magazines for the last upteen years...! Now the elderly will classify this as 'youth poetry' in an attempt to demean it; just tell them to 'shove it' and get it published...!
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-amazing imagery in that rain/bone/snow stanza
fantastic.
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this is perfect. grrrrrr i hate you!
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