countless times the sun has risen,
only to fall back behind me.
each day the prairie grass blows
in the same direction.
how i long for my life to be like the sky
ever changing.
but i am buried in sameness
suffocated by open plains.
Author notes
for project poetry
http://allpoetry.com/column/2341669
our prompt was: repeat if desired
peace to all ~flight
honesty
Comments
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I think maybe, just maybe, your idea was a little too lofty.
The effect didn’t hit me like I was hoping for. This is more of a quickie-formatted write & the image was good, but it was something that I look more for in an extended write.
I understand the statement. It was simply put & I can appreciate the contrast with monotony in the plains. The poem resonates personally, but it was just, it was just plain & normal to me. Nothing outstanding. I liked the first two lines the best, though. It wasn’t bad, but it was forgettable to be honest.
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Oooo a short piece, to compete it will have to have some unusual depth and power to move the reader... (which requires a lot of luck!) well, your piece is in plain English, so you'll lose the 'stylization' contest... but then it is well known that romantic poets strive for simplicity and clarity, so possibly this is a romantic piece (and you are romantic poets?)...
I didn't get the message upon my first read, I think it was because I was reacting to it's form and style; I did understand it the second read- a lament about the sameness in a routine life... hey, I'm half inspired to write a response to this- how outside that dull routine lies only misery and death in spite of the self-depreciating fantasies Hollywood plants in our fragile eggshell minds...
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