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Scratched

 

...


icy eyelids encase a
soul that holds hurt and pain
[do your eyes see at all]
a mouth chastised and criticized
[do you listen to her at all]

thorny branches strangulate
threatening to suffocate
~her self~

her heart is a delicate flower
beautiful; but
it’s petals are fragile
[handle with care]

so…

     crush me
       Choke me
         ignore me

on the exterior she is scratched
but not ruined

 

...


 

 

 

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Pursed Poker Lips
    May 16, 2008

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    I love the first stanza! It's so powerful with imagery and diction, the way you phrase and place your words (the syntax) is in a genius way. The poem has an artsy and emotional flow to it, its marvelous.
    -BON*BON


  • Akimbo
    May 12, 2008

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    this is marvelous

    I love the fragility here and the transition from personal admittance to solitary strength. It's empowering. It's only by our failures and shortcomings that our dreams rise as worthwhile endeavors.
    Kudos to you again, Kj


  • DrunkenRam
    April 26, 2008
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    Deeply darkened from the inner soul outward, a thought provoking write indeed, nice job.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    April 25, 2008

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    Wow.. I love what you did with this pic!! I looked at this contest and got nothing.. you got so much!


  • jcat gold member
    April 24, 2008

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    Stunning entry...You took her outside her box and gave her a lovely voice. We can withstand the scratching to survive another day without being ruined! Very well done and thank you for entering my contest


  • Cyber Artist Moderators member
    April 21, 2008

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    Is it me or does that picture look like a Gothic Mona Lisa You have successfully transformed the picture into words. Even giving it an eerie dimension by bring the deathly image to life by speaking through her. well done.
    Cyberartist


    • background music
      April 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      haha! yes, I thought it did too, in my draft version on my computer I saved the file as "Mona Lisa Smile" LOL. Thanks so much for reading my poetry! It means a lot to me.


  • lilmayra
    April 21, 2008
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    This is very well written and touching. You found the perfect words that hold significant meaning.


  • Kiara Marie
    April 21, 2008
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    Down to the very last line

    I really enjoyed reading this poem. I like the way it flows and ends. Great job!


  • Perception
    April 20, 2008

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    Wow. This is really powerful. Every single word seemed to hold impact - every word screaming out in your mind....

    Very dark visuals, both picture and what your words painted.... Yet the ending is slightly uplifting, and perfect for an ending...

    Really great poem.
    Wonderfully done


  • RyanosaurusWrecks
    April 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a perfect arrangement of visuals, font, and descriptions...beautiful

1 - 16 of 16