Today I reclaim my life
I take back everything you took away
Each night I pretended to be asleep…
I was awake you bastard!!
Every single time
And now I realize you knew
And played with my fear
With every extra layer I wore to bed each night
That you had to remove from a terrified
'sleeping' child
I was awake and too scared to move
I was awake!
I knew everything!
I remember every moment!
Every molesting touch!
But you already knew that…didn’t you!
I don’t need an apology
It was too late for that the moment you touched me
I don’t need an admission of guilt
Because I was there
I just need to have a voice
For all the years of unspoken words
Of niceties and pretending
For everything that you took from me
In fear and control
In innocence lost…
I take back in freedom and joy
In intimacy and love
No longer shall I let others suffer
For what you did to me
It’s time for you to go back in your dusty old box
Never forgotten, never forgiven
But never to tarnish my life again
I’ve found my voice
Now it will be my healing
Today I reclaim my life
Author notes
From the moment my uncle first touched me, my life changed forever. I needed to voice how it affected my life.
In a list
A contest entry
- Speaking out on ABUSE, Many Options, BIg Points, Come in and Become a Voice. Co-host: Spiritual Poet by PassionsPromise.
3300 points, ended June 27, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For the Abused/Abusers/Anyone who can imagine what it feels like by hotpinkpenguin.
340 points, ended September 30, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life changing (Big points!!) by A m b r e a.
850 points, ended October 19, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [Contest] Wake up to Abuse - Prewrites Welcome by Miss Faerie.
700 points, ended February 8, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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this brought tears to my eys and a lump to my throat, I'm so sorry that you went through this, no one sahould ever have to experience anything like this, it destroys lives, forever.
its good that you are taking a stand and getting back in control of your life,
a brilliantly written piece that I can relate to
s
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Yes it does destroy lives...if one lets it. I sent this to my uncle last year & have since found out that he also abused his grandaughter in the same way last year...30yrs after my abuse. That nearly destroyed me, as I had sent him this at around the time it happened & I had warned the rest of the family....I somehow felt responsible even though I had tried to prevent it. Then I wrote 'Unnecessary Victim' and the wonderful support I received here on AP helped me to begin the healing process once again...one day at a time. I re-read this poem often as a reminder of all the progress I had made prior to finding about my cousin's daughter & I plan one day, when she is older, to share it with her also so that she knows she is not alone.
Thank you for your comment...each little bit of support helps me take another step forward.
Hugs,
Annie
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I am so glad to read this. You have strength that many of us never get the chance to show.
Good on you for standing up and having a voice.
Shari
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Informative, Powerful
I'm trying to appreciate the help writing this is for you, but my understanding is a tiny fraction of the reality for you, of course. But this poem informs its readers of the depth of significance of such horrific events.
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This is a very hard thing to write about, I know this well. You did an incredible job showing the emotions that come with such a tradgic happening. I am so glad that you had the courage to pen this, and the faith that you will move on! Amazing write! Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!
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Deeply emotion write!
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I really liked this poem, I can understand it totally. I love the part where you say that you don't need an apology or an admission of guilt, because it is true, that will not take it away. Great write =]
thanks for entering my contest and good luck -
Very well done, it's when you decide to reclaim your life that you truly begin to live again. The first tiny step to a better life. Best of luck...Scott
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Reclaiming My Life
This is one of the best tellings of horrifice events in a child' life--may that person rot in Hell.
Very good write.
bw
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This is a powerful write with an amazing message. I am glad that you feel stronger after writing this. Writing can be so healing for me too. I hope to finally be at this place in my heart someday that you speak of here. Nice job! Blesings, Patty
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This was a great piece.
Thanks so much for your entry.
Wishing you the best in the contest.
This is a very deep piece. I am glad when one can pen and feel stronger afterwrds. You have touched myheart with this piece.
continue building my friend
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intense....and true...good truth...sad, but good that it is here. Thank you.
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This is amazing! I can really relate to it. I admire you for all your strength. Im still trying to gain strength myself, I hope one day I can be as strong as you. You are a great writer. Good job, and good luck.
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i realy like this poem....both u and ur daugter have a way with words (sun-angel) i just wanted to double check with u that it was okay if i talked to her on here....been a mom myself....and all
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Wow! Good for you! Beautiful piece here. I'm so glad you took the step and wrote this. My heart breaks for you but rejoices in your strength. Take Care
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I feel for you Annie! But better to let it out... to "shout at the devil"! Stay strong my friend!
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This is a truly excellent piece. It is full of emotion and is very direct. No forgiveness is give. That is the way it should be.
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