Enigmatic steep magic's forced in your eyes
Has built a wall, a brilliant russet blaze
Around the thresholds to enter your soul,
And I want the key to step within.
Plains of dread and deepening silence
Resound on my feet as I tread the land,
Like the wind’s steady power and might
And the rush of the roaring seas
I feel your presence on the horizon,
And when I turn to gaze upon you
You unlock the door and I step inside.
Author notes
Dedicated to the memories of a friend I once had.
A contest entry
- small words that count more than the whole world by Dienush.
4300 points, ended April 29, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Proudly Presenting: ROUND 1 by Walk-Free.
1000 points, ended August 31, 2008, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Anything Specific To Improve On?
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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wow
you make me want to actually study poetry, this was amazing. when i write, i just write whats in my head...which does not always make sense, but this inspires me to take some classes. thanks for sharing.
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Well thank you!
I'm glad this gives some inspiration!
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BEAUTIFUL!!!!
Such cherished memories of a dear friend, one who was always there for you when things seemed to always get you down.
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Came here to return the favor
All I can say is I agree with all the other commentators on this excellent write - keep on keeping on - Dobar Dan ------ Joe ------------------------------------------------------ cheers
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I have an obsession with the eyes and what they can show you, so I automatically love this piece. The opening lines were by far my favorite, but you ended it very nicely.
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BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
Yes, we sure are lucky that true friends have this wonderful power over us.
's
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nicely written
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this poem made me feel like I was sleeping and then i woke up, I love the line has built a wall a brilliant russett blaze. Thanks for reading my work too
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Lovely write
I have witnessed some who has eyes like pools of love and security yet gentle and the friend of a lifetime so well done this piece
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omgosh!
this blew me away! it was intense... and the emotions ran deep even in such a short poem! i like this very much, thanks for this brilliant entry, keep pennign!
~beauty of silence
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ooo
lovely metaphors and imagery. The piece was not shallow and had much depth. I am glad you have a lovely friend. after all, every one needs that special one.
The last line felt like the opening of a door. beautiful!! congrats on the HM! good luck in this contest!
transit~
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wow. this is a very bautiful lovely piece. great work here loved this.
good lucks to you from all of us!! thank you for entering
-checkmate♥
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wow. this is a very bautiful lovely piece. great work here loved this.
good lucks to you from all of us!! thank you for entering
-checkmate♥
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My GOD, such talent!!!! Are you sure you are only 14 years old... I love this piece... It has few words with a huge message!!!!!! I also like the use of only a few puncts. Great work!!!!
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This is an beauitful poem with great emotions,I am also amazed at how young you are,you have great talent and i hope you keep writing.I like the line"I feel your presence on the horizon,".
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This is a good poem and it is really nice to read. Good luck in my contest.
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wow this poem has been truly awakening!
i really like how this poem is written. i love the sense of emotion in it. it pushes forward ideas and themes which are very complicated, but this poem makes it so easy to understand. really- great job. this is my favorite poem read so far..well done! i love the use of similes and imagery. i don't have any criticism for you, it was so good!
Awakening
Enigmatic steep magic's forced in your eyes
Has built a wall, a brilliant russet blaze
Around the thresholds to enter your soul,
And I want the key to step within.
Plains of dread and deepening silence
Resound on my feet as I tread the land,
Like the wind’s steady power and might
And the rush of the roaring seas
I feel your presence on the horizon,
And when I turn to gaze upon you
You unlock the door and I step inside.
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Great stuff
A really enjoyable discription and insight of the world we live in, only if it was that simply
I love that message in your work very well done
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Wow this is awesome. I agree with kathleen i was shocked when i saw you were only 14. You have a talent for writing and you should keep it up. Very well writen poem and still amazed at your words i wish i could write this well. Keep up the great work ~ Brook
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I'm dumbstruck!
This is so wonderful I'm surprised you didn't win Gold! I just saw that you're 14! I'm totally bewildered. You are another poet prodigy! I just saw your pix not long ago & thought you were much older. I'll be a lot of guys think that also & you've probably got your hands full of 'em. I'm truly amazed that such depth of expression can come from someone so young. Phew...must be the quickening pace of the times we're in. Mind blower! Is that still a saying that's used? Great write my young lovely friend. BTW: I meant to give you 3 applause & hit the wrong dang key! Ugh...sorry
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thank you for entering! I really liked this poem! you did a really, really great job here! good luck in the contest!
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Yes ...
it's a difficult thing to look back over the years and think that the friends we had and lost are very important to us, even though they only exist now for us in our thoughts and / or hearts.
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Nice finish! Well done.
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this poem has some great little things going for it.
thank you for entering the contest
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I really like how you use words to show instead of tell. The whole poem is very expressive. To me this sounds like visualizing making up with your friend, but it may just be me. Anyway, this has a lot of caring and poetic quality to it. I'm not particularly fond of "enigma's" in the first line - I used to do this too, but for a while now I've been feeling 's possessives attached to the names of inanimate objects are a bit artificially sounding in poetry. Otherwise, I really like how you described the process of having your friend open up to you... love it how you kept up the door motifs. Plus I can't tell you how much this speaks to me on a very personal level. Thank you for your entry.
~Diana
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Lovely, you have a way with words that I don't see often. The images are vivid, and I get an abstract feeling, which I love!
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