I strolled along the river bank, in shade from woodland trees,
Fragrant wildflower scent, hanging in the breeze.
There, in amongst the colours, of all greens ever seen
I came across a waterfall, right in the mid drift stream.
Sunlight played in the waterfall, a glory to behold,
Shining in its crystals, turning them to gold.
Then I spied fisherman, white with dark webbed feet;
Ah a hungry heron, was out for a bite to eat.
Dragonfly’s red and blue darted in and out the reeds.
I watched them, and listened to the birds among the trees.
I paddled in the stream, felt cold water on my toes,
laid back on grass, and let the flowers kiss my nose.
Gazing upon the heavens, two cloud were sailing by,
Just like giant horses, white stallions in the sky.
Later I chanced upon a glade, where I stopped to have a rest.
There I saw a sparrow, collecting foliage for its nest.
It hopped, and bobbed, and skipped, busy as could be
Though it is a simple thing, it was pure pleasure to see.
Then I climbed a nearby hillside to reach some higher ground,
So I could look upon the beauty of this valley I had found.
The sun fell lower in the sky, the day was growing old.
The river, like a mirror, was shining green and gold.
That’s when I heard their call, then they caught my eye,
A group of wild geese, silhouetted in the sky,
Their beauty magnified by a glowing, amber sunset,
Which crowned the dusk of a day I’ll not soon forget.
Author notes
drakothstheron
A contest entry
- Dalaney's Rhyme part 1 Summertime by cricketjeff.
650 points, ended May 12, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Amazing Summer Imagery!!!.....(clicky!) by faithful-star.
600 points, ended June 9, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Paint your picture in my mind_contest part one of four by drakostheron.
950 points, ended October 1, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You use of imagery here is fair but your rhyming here was done very nicely. It flowed smoothly and didn't seem forced. The only thing that I would suggest to you is to possibily break the poem up into stanzas. Maybe one for strolling along the riverbank, another for coming across the fisherman, and so on. My reason for suggesting this is to make the poem more clear to read and to give and "pause-and-effect" to your poem. Best of luck and thanks for entering!
~Faithful-Star -
What a beautifully written poem. Thanks so much for your entry
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An excellent poem, very descriptive with good imagery. Your rhyme is good and doesn't appear to be forced, the only criticism would be the meter of some of the lines which interrupt the flow of an otherwise good poem.
Either of the judges would be happy to help you, as the reason for this series of contests is to improve rhyming poets and their poetry, should you want help, please just ask.
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Wonderfully descriptive piece here, the pure pleasure experienced can be felt intensely by the reader. Your revelry becomes infectious and the simple pleasures in life cut through the mind to relax it into a state of pure bliss.
'I paddled in the stream, felt cold water on my toes,
laid back on grass, and let the flowers kiss my nose.
Gazing upon the heavens, two cloud were sailing by,
Just like giant horses, white stallions in the sky.'
Just loved these lines, they made me smile
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This is very nice ...
and very nicely done.
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Lovely poem with clear descriptions. The rhyme is not forced and moves at a steady pace. This poem inspires me to walk along the river at dusk, when the day has slowed and birds are still fluttering about, searching for their last meal before nesting down for the night. I enjoyed reading - Thank you. PB
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