How did we come to this
When did she turn you from my love
Do you not remember my gentle touch
She has stolen you from me
With her sweet smiles and empty promises
You now turn to her thinking she will be the one
That she will be there in your hour of need
How easily you forget that it was I
Who held you when you were in pain
That it was my sweet kiss which gave you release
Now you look upon me with fear
Revile signs of my coming to you
Shudder in distaste at my touch
I am not the monster that she paints me to be
It was not I that brought you pain and anguish
I was the one who held you as you begged for salvation
I was there with a hand to hold as you wept over your pain
And do you now forget that it was I who finally took your pain and gave you peace
My love you shred my heart leaving me to bleed out my pain
Where I was there for you
You leave me out in the cold alone with my agony
Please tell me it's not over let my heart hope that we still might be together
My love save me as I once saved you
Love Forever
DEATH
Author notes
We Have All forgotten Our last Love and Friend Death. We have all forsaken her for her seemingly sweeter sister Life. #4
A contest entry
- Love Triangles by Celticjedi.
600 points, ended May 7, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lukewarm Coffee by Papers.
1200 points, ended February 23, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Death by Anonymous Spark.
400 points, ended March 7, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unsung Prewrites! by Justified Inc..
700 points, ended April 2, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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I really liked this. and I especially like what your wrote in your an...for reasons unknown... I just liked the way you put it I suppose..great read thanks for sharing your words and your views on the facinating subject of death. I have lucid dreams and thought and was convinced I was dying.. strange stuff thats for sure. putting this aside i find the subject both spell binding and weird and stuff...good luck in any contest...
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A whole otherside of Death. Emotional, with a sense of ruthless care. Sad death. I enjoyed this.
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i loved this. i love the feeling behind it.
i too am one who is not in fear of death but rather in love with it
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Wow!
I could of never anticipated that ending in a thousand years! But I don't like death!!!! lol
You have given a persona and life to death and to me, that is so ironic! lol What a trip!
This poem is probably the most unusually unique writes I have had the pleasure to read. The whole time I was reading, I had a thought and then it changed at the end completely and I about lost my whole train of thought! lol
Wow!
Creepy but good write!
Bravo!
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This is a wonderful piece. "And do you now forget that it was I who finally took your pain and gave you peace" really struck something in me. It inspired me to write yet another poem... I should be posting it soon. <3 Scadian
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That was such a dramatic ending! I might suggest using different words for pain, as it's used quite a lot in this piece. Otherwise, this is written with feeling and you did a great job depicting what you are going through. Very nice and keep up the great work!
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I really liked this poem.... It sounds just about right when things go wrong.... and signing love forever DEATH was an amazing idea. i give it two thumbs up!
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Very emotionally filled poem and yet so true. "kiss that gave you release" is worded perfectly describing death in the way we should see it. Great write and I really enjoyed reading this.
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interesting morbid concept. i myself prefer the sweeter sister and cant feel pity for death having lost someone to life, but it is a wicked little twist that deserves applause. were it my take im quite certain that i'd be squealing with delight over this one.
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Wonderful
This is my obligitory comment. You already know that I love this poem, and that I understand the issues presented in a unique way. I am glad that you shared it with everyone else.
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I'm not quite sure I understand the last bit of the poem, I suppose it's about someone who is depressed and chooses to live and chooses life instead of choosing to kill themselves. I'm not sure.. However, I think that without the last confusing lines, it works very well as a poem about a scorned woman who gets left by their love for someone else. From that viewpoint, I think this works rather well. I've experienced some of the same feelings, and I have to say that it really does suck. It hurts to get replaced, as if you don't matter and have never mattered. But such is life, things continue.. things keep changing, and sometimes that includes love. A wonderful read! Keep up the amazing work!
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Well...
If you read My A.N. you would know that this is my take on how we as a whole have changed our out look on death. In the past people used to think of death as the great release to some thing more, heaven or Valhalla the great reward for living a great life. Now tho as a whole people fear death look to prolong life even at the cost of quality of life. Do you know how many older people who live in nursing homes long to die? Most of them are left there by their "Loving" families to live out the rest of their lives feeling alone and unwanted. It used to be we honored our elders and now we forget them. But now I am just ranting, what I really wanted to say that it is just my take on how we have changed as a people.
Darkest Thoughts Always
D.C.
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omg this poem almost made me cry this poem is so awsome wow this poem really express how i felt at onne point in my life how keep up the good work great job
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This made me smile. The way you painted the poem, I thought it was talking about something else, but I love being wrong. This was a wonderful piece. I loved the imagery, and loved how it kept me guessing. Great job.
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This gives a new meaning to life and I like it. Terrific job.
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aww.. beautiful poem<3
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How easily you forget that it was I
Who held you when you were in pain
That it was my sweet kiss which gave you release
Now you look upon me with fear
Revile signs of my coming to you
Shudder in distaste at my touch
Every one experiences something like this in life, either from the side you come from, some from the other side, with a totally different story. Great write -
Definitely a surprise ending. It made me read the whole poem again. A great poem, but still a little confusing. It seems as though the object of Death's affection has already died:
"And do you now forget that it was I who finally took your pain and gave you peace"
How can someone choose life after they have already found peace in death...unless the pain that death took away was the pain of an ailing loved one? Thanks for writing a great poem that made me think.
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An interesting poem.
Thoughtful.
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Loved it. This was so heartfelt. The pain in it was vivid and you didn't let little rhymes ruin the mood. Absolutely amazing - love the way you write.
`Tweedle Dee
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My Thanks
Thank you for your comment if you like this poem you might like some of my other works. Though a lot of them are darker, I would enjoy you view on them as well though. Again my thanks and I am glad you liked it.
Darkest Thoughts Always
D.C.
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Amazing
Very well written and I just really like it!
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Well of course as I was reading I was taking it literal with the relationship being laid out, that ending took me by surprise. This is a good poem, a lot of truth in your words. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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I can totally relate to this poem.
Especially "I am not the monster that she paints me to be".
I had a best friend who did this to me behind my back and totally ruined my relationship.
I must admit though, the ending kind of took me for a loop. I wasn't expecting that! Great, write, thanks for sharing! -
nice write
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awesome!
I really enjoyed this piece of work. The ending especially, creepy indeed and when you read the ending it makes you view the entire poem in a differnt light after you know that death is what your talking about. Just a fantastic poem awesome job keep it up =)
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Indeed a stroy of the hidee4n pain you have painted with a ink of the tears..well done..and my thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece...my friend...well done..
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This is an awesome poem. You just let your feelings go. Any guy like that need to be dumped like a hot potato. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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This is a good write though some parts of it confuse me. However it does meet the critera and overall is a highly decent piece. Good luck.
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a desperate plea. good neevr wins and all is fair in love and war the sayings go and still are true. seems the most coniving gets the love of the one put on our pedestal.
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Very well done. This poem contains not only hurt and betrayal, but many other things not usually found in this kind of poem. It stirs up your emotions like a cooking pot. My favorite line was, "I am not the monster that she paints me to be." HUGE impact.
Keep up the great work, thanks for entering my contest. Good luck!
~Cj
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Creepy
I agree with you on a purely historical point of view, but I wasn't expecting that ending at all... Very creepy indeed
DarkOne
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