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insert bills & swallow the consequences

 


what if i had a handle
for you

to slide your palm up
& pull down, greed
feeding your fingers

[that's the way we held hands]

as you'd wait for my reaction,
for which sounds i'd make
this time,

to know if we were just
playing, or if it was
real.

although, even if we were
to be winning this game,

we wouldn't stop there
& so we'd lose again.

forever you tried to match
me across all three boards
(heart, mind, body)

& know that if you did
make me empty before you,

the coins that would fall
are just the result
of computerized sincerity

(there's nothing real here).





Author notes

arcade -> casino (grown-up arcade)
no further association to the prompt required, I think?



Christina

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • blackday
    April 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You made me lose the game.

    I'll agree that the lines between the sounds stanza & the "three boards" section weren't even close to being the most memorable, but eh. They needed to be there. I guess I was looking for that BAM! images & wording throughout the whole thing.

    I don't know if I like the ending. It wasn't bad, but it just wasn't overly strong either. Plus, you used the word real twice & that might sound lame, but it stuck out in my mind. haha

    Overall though, amazing as usual.


  • Tangled Angle
    April 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was nice. I got bored in the middle because you told and didn't show. Overall, I like the concept, but I think you held back with this. You could have been a bit more creative with this while still staying focused and still holding the amount of emotion and personality that you put in this. I do think you got caught up in the emotion more than anything. It was just okay for me. I know you're much better than this.
    If you make it to the next round, you'll probably school me and the majority of the poets here. Good luck.

  • in-the-twilight
    April 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    absolutely fantastic.... took my breath away! loved it Christine! Meg <3


  • Age of Rain
    April 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done here. I liked your second stanza in particular. This whole piece reads very well. An excellent tone that grabbed my interest and kept it there. Well written as usual!

    • the sepia vitamin
      April 20, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      you would like the 2nd stanza in particular...


      • Age of Rain
        April 20, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Ur Mom! Now that was staggering...*laughs*

        • the sepia vitamin
          April 20, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          haha. if you really want to think that the "Ur Mom!" response is the most staggering of ones.......

          • Age of Rain
            April 20, 2008

            Edit | Reply
            It's only staggering after Daddy comes home drunk...*ponders* Maybe Chase is right. I AM mean. Now we just have to wonder which is worse. Daddy staggering...or Mommy.


  • Forever in his arms
    April 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow This is my fav of the day really good
    I felt every word


  • wbiro gold member
    April 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good entry, vague and complaining enough to get you past the hurdle...


  • leander Moderators member
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very beautiful poem that you have written here sweety... Actually, while reading this I got shards of a beautiful flemish song flashing through my mind - that starts with the words (translated)

    "It just started like every beautiful story
    on a summerday not long from here"

    Quite a cliched song, though it's from the seventies...

    Anyway, don't know why that song jumped in my mind, but it's a very beautiful, kind of bittersweet story...

    Anyway ->

1 - 12 of 12