Hear the silent note
Pleasuring my dead mind
Follow thru all in time
Which is where I start to die
Its coming close
Where I start to bleed
Crying blood out thru me
I can'y think of no other way to get away
I wander all about
where am I?
How can I doubt?
How can I keep up?
I Just Watch the Dying soul as it begins to fade
Its been the ninth time I've been wasted away
When the heart falls into erosion and I Begin to scream
I tell my self I'm just being pretentious
Cause this is all a dream
Then I woke up
and I began to die
Cause my life
Is just one big lie
Author notes
Option #3:
Incorporate ALL of the following 5 words in your poem...remember, make it dark
A contest entry
- Dark Poetry Quickie-TONS of options, LOTS of creativity =) by notorious.
495 points, ended April 19, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is It Good?
Comments
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I have to question why you chose to spell 'through' as 'thru'--is there a particular reason why?
Some typos I found that you should change to be considered as a finalist!
Its-Should be it's
can'y-I think you meant 'can't'
my self-myself is one word.
"When the heart falls into erosion"
Certainly dark, and excellent use of the word 'erosion'.
There are a lot of "I's" used in this poem when it's unnecessary and sounds slightly redundant.
Thanks for the entry, and good luck.
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I really enjoyed reading this poem. I feel the same way.
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