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Surrender The Fallen




A survivor you were
Smelling of catacombs
You clawed your way back
To something like reality
Much to my chagrin
My excitment?

Meaningless now, my mind grasps
At a thought- at a whisper of something
Long, long, long forgotten
Glimpsed from the corner of my eye
But then gone

Left to spiral
Just like everything else
Just like me

Your grin- disarming/charming
Shatters my order
My comfy mundanity
Strips it bare



And just when things were making sense...










A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • SoundsOfSilence
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is... I am speechless.
    This is amazing.
    Thank you very much for your entry.

    =]

    Kitten


  • Chainsaw
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    My favorite part was this:
    "Your grin- disarming/charming"

    I like your use of poor sentance structure and enjambment to create disease here.

    I wasn't so keen on the second and third stanzas, but I loved the first and fourth, and the line you ended on.


  • eightball666
    April 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    . . . . .

    I am incredibly speachless. . .


  • usually-untitled
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oooh!
    i love this. i see nothing that needs fixing.
    cheers!!!


  • stylization
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    so awesome! love the imagery.


  • Selene Tremere
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! great imagery I loved it interesting and deep great job!


  • TabbyCat
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. The way you divided your thoughts here is powerful, candid...honest. Surprised by attraction, not expecting to be moved. Your orderly universe thrown into chaos. Loved the question you threw in at the end of the first stanza. Really caught my attention for the first time there, and then held it through the end.


  • xPink-Lotusx
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'Left to spiral
    Just like everything else
    Just like me'

    I cannot convey properly how profound these lines really are to me. They jump out and scream "I know this feeling!" And sadly I know it all to well.

    'And just when things were making sense...'

    I love this line, I feel like this all the time, and it wraps this piece up beautifully!
    I love the vocabulary in this piece. I love how non-generic it is. The flow is sweet, the word power in this helps the flow.
    This was an enjoyable read for me. Well penned! Keep the Muse Alive!

1 - 9 of 9