The mystic waves that lap against your world
wash up, as flotsam, countless eldritch things;
but when a man of destiny is hurled
into our sphere, the realm of spirits sings!
Upon the careful balance, life and death,
the fate of men and nations, tip and sway.
A single name upon our lips – Macbeth –
we prophesy with lies, our aye is nay.
Thus arcane truths are, in due time, revealed
for all with eyes to see. Too late! The blood
of slaughtered kings, long-shed, now lies congealed
upon the field stained by that crimson flood…
So play, upon the unprotected mind,
the unpredicted voices of our kind.
Author notes
"Stay, you imperfect speakers, tell me more:"
Wm Shakespeare ~ MacBeth ~ Act 1, scene 3.
The final line is a quotation from a poem by Ian Crichton Smith.
By the way, "eldritch" means weird or eerie (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)
In a list
- Not Bad • next in list
- Sonnets, sonnets, and more bloody sonnets • next in list
- Scotland • next in list
- Wee yellow vases • next in list
A contest entry
- Last Lines by Keith.
450 points, ended May 4, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The WRESTLE with GOOD and EVIL #91 Winklings and all friends by Winklings.
3900 points, ended June 27, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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crystaldust
Many congratulations on taking the gold for this wonderful sonnet. I've only just picked up on the results, having not been on site for very long very often. WS would be proud of you.
Joy -
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Thanks, Joy - I am knocked out to get a brace of gold's for this one poem.
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Famous line on page 692 of a book I have.
Iain Crichton Smith ~ good stuff!
Your excellent Shakespearean sonnet is eloquent upon the Macbeth of Shakespeare. (In actual History, he was not, for his time, a bad bloke.)
Indeed your lyric voice touches on the sadness of charismatic leaders and even patriotically popular leaders from Alexander to Bush, failing.
This is a wonderful rendition of witch-consciousness, as it were.
They, rather than man, are the voices of destiny. Your 'found' line, in this context, "So play ... the unpredicted voices of our kind" is most cogent.
Quatrain one develops the dualism of the world of human beings and the world of the supernatural. And, they interact: "the realm of spirits sings".
Then you build upon this "balance" and proceed from the general to the particular ~ for with Macbeth the witches lie in deepest consequence. This is quatrain two and ends the octet.
The result is murder and war most bloody. The final quatrain treats this. But, all three quatrains use sophisticated language and imagery developed logically and with the poetic drama required for this sonnet to maintain its intellectually and aesthetically high standard.
Finally, the couplet. It is the weird sisters' triumph. Their final say. The malapertness of voices speaking chillingly of their success in destroying the dreams of men and their women, in this case, too.
Quite an experience, reading and exploring this poem at a superficial level.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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Your first four lines absolutely ROCK. You blew me away with this. A superbly written sonnet, set forth with a skilled hand and a wonderful mind.
Exceptional poetry that handles the wrestle between good and evil with intelligent and mature verse.
I simply fell in love with this poem. Superb entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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Thanks, Pamela. I had forgotten this contest was still in the pre-judge stage. Glad you like the poem.
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Perfect answer to the prompt
The exact choice to represent shakespeare's representation, sort of a live and live policy. -
crystaldust
This ought to be a winner, it is excellent in every way. I can hear and feel the witches making certain that Macbeth stood no chance of anything but doom and death. I really enjoyed reading this sonnet. Good luck in the contest. -
Hoho! I knew this was a winning poem. I have to confess that I actually read this about a week ago, but didn't comment then. I wanted to wait awhile before I could come back, because reading poetry like this is like looking at the pyramids in person for the first time, or visiting an ancient, ancient temple at dusk - it's awesome, and reminds one just how silly and little one and one's own poetry is, and you need more time to come to terms with that.
I *really* admire the ease with which you seem to manage the sonnet form. It flows naturally, such that the concluding couplet feels entirely your own, and I very much like how the last line takes on added ominous tones when you've put "unpredicted" and "unprotected" against one another. Love the way those negatives sound together. "Aye is nay" was also a fantastic line.
And it was great how the sonnet seemed to evoke Shakespeare in tone as well as reference... "Too late! The blood of slaughtered kings" echoes wonderfully in the mind, and on the tongue. That, and the latter half of the sonnet, fittingly feels like it could be uttered as the concluding speech of a tragedy.
Much love for this work.
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Cherylline, I have spent a long time trying to get over the notion that I have to measure my work using other poets' work as a yardstick. Early on, when folk told me I ought to try to get published, I would fetch a book, and read aloud some W B Yeats or Andrew Marvell to them. Then I would say, "THAT is the opposition. THAT is the standard I have to beat to get into print!" It took me a while to realise that I was wrong. I appreciate the honesty of your tribute, but you ought not to measure yourself against me.
Having said that, thank you for spotting things I was actually working towards, such as making the last line my own, rather than a "found" line. I am glad, most of all, that you got such enjoyment from reading it.
I dream in bloody iambic pentameter, and wish I could stop.
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This is awesome work, and well-deserving of the gold!
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Thanks a lot.
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this is amazing!! I first red "Macbeth" two years ago for a Lit class, I will never forget it lol
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MacB is brilliant. But then WS is totally in a class of his own.
Glad you liked this.
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My GOD!!!
WOW
This is poetry. It is so wonderful, you have just flooded my soul with joy and the need to read Shakespeare. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart.
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Shakespeare is wonderful from end to end. He practically invented the English language. Any saying that isn't from the King James Bible or the era of sail is from him. So if I have made you want to read Shakespeare, I am glad. Do not neglect his wonderful sonnets.
And thank you for your kind remarks.
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This is excellent. You should be proud of it. And choosing a line from my favourite play helps a lot. Not only that, but the original poem, by Iain Crichton Smith, is also a wonderfully evocative one: I've found a link, though you have to scroll down to get to the poem.
http://www.arts.gla.ac.uk/ScotLit/ASLS/ICSmith.html -
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Goodness, was it one of Ian Crichton Smith's lines? Wow!...
OK I followed the link, and I want to give up! Who can compete with poetry of that calibre. Not I, that's for sure. So I am glad you liked my humble offering.
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Magnificent !
You're a fantastic writer
Good luck in the contest but I highly doubt you'll need it ^_^
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Thank you, but I don't know so much - there are some really first-class entries, and it's down to the contest setter, at the end of the day.
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This powerful sonnet is a great response to the contest's idea of using a last line. Excellent stuff!
Bill
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Perfect in every way, I read it three times simply because I loved the taste.
Love,
Amera♥
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A Scottish sonnet - and beautifully done. I'd just reread Lady MacBeth's soliloquy demanding to be un-sexed, this is very timely! And yes, I do know what eldritch means. So strange that both our poems have waves and blood, and men of destiny.
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And how many others of your readers will know what eldritch means?
Beautiful sonnet, written in Shakespeare's form.
Those weird sisters had a lot to answer for.
Great poem (sounds of ripping my own up). I'll need to up the ante
Consider yourself well bunnied
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If they don't know, they can look it up - like I do when I come across something I don't know. Actually, I have included it in the notes, as you have been so icky-picky, bro.
And don't judge your own poems by mine! Don't go ripping things up just because you have the insane idea I write better than you do.
Thanks for the bunnies - I shall treasure them always.
Your weird sister,
M
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fascinating.
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Thank you.
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