My self I wrapped in sheets of gold
And hide behind a picture framed personality
Author notes
5. A short poem - 20 words or less. Make it good!
A contest entry
- Prewrite Mania 3 by Celticmoon.
800 points, ended May 27, 2008, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All aboard!!!!!!!!! by PoeticEmily.
450 points, ended May 3, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I love the words and ideas here. The imagery is wonderful though I think breaking this up some might make it even stronger. Allow me to suggest:
Myself,
I wrapped in sheets
of gold
and hid behind
a picture framed personality.
To me this seems to bring the imagery out more so and make it stronger in the mind. Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you.
Blessings
Bel
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First minor booboo is that 'myself' is one whole word. secondly i like how you gave true personification without really knowing that you did
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"a picture framed personality" hmm... interesting concept. Nice job. Thanks for sharing
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Hmmmm... hmmmm... hmmmm...
I like it. A couple things don't quite work for me, though. First, you repeated the title in the poem. In a piece this short it is better to have a short title that is not included in the poem itself.
Also - the tense -In the first line, you have written a past-tense statement, and in the second line changed it to present tense.
Something else that is just a pet peeve of mine is starting the 2nd line with And (capital). I realize some word processing programs are 'smart' and reformat the caps at the start of a line, but it's something to think about in the future.
A way to write this with all of these possible edits:
Wrapped
Myself in sheets of gold - hidden in my
picture-framed personality
Just an idea - good job, good luck!
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