When this day, which is my whole life, has shuttered itself…
when love’s sunlight
and the sweet breezes of youth
are memories, no longer
recalled like snatches of melody…
and when the chilling rain that greyed-out
all but the near-horizon of my autumn,
the unintentional hurt in a mist of words,
quietens and fades in a quizzical, monochrome kaleidoscope…
after day has stilled,
and with it all living sounds
(even the moving air
and my slowing heartbeat)
I’ll breathe, and long past midnight, your last kiss.
A contest entry
- Last Lines by Keith.
450 points, ended May 4, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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stunning!
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Well thanks.
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I need some good free verse for my assignment, I think I have found it!
The only thing I do not like is your line breaks, they seem to get in the way of a smooth reading. But your words are so good I cannot criticise. Why are you only a minor published oet, I want to buy a book of your poems. On to find more!
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Thank you for your praise.
The line breaks are deliberate, to take note of a shape on the page, and to highlight the balance of the first and last lines (see my comment below, to Keith). Having said that, I deliberately break the balance in the last line of the middle stanza. There is a lot more to "free verse" than cutting up prose
Good luck in your studies.
Well, I am a "minor published poet" because it is very difficult to publish poetry, and the poems I consider my best are not necessarily what others would like to publish.
I have had poems published in anthologies compiled by AP poet "ea" (Marcy Jarvis), and have had poems accepted by various magazines. My spiritual poems regularly get accepted by a magazine called "Rubies in the Darkness".
Please feel free to wander through my poems on AP and ask me anything you want.
MbM
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You've made the last line your own in this poem. It naturally flows on from the rest. That's a difficult thing to do. I wonder if you know Eddie Morgan's original? It's a very passionate poem built around a symbol of Scotland's smoky past: and I've managed to find a link to it-
http://www.ltscotland.org.uk/literacy/findresources/edwinmorgan/poems/onecigarette/poem.asp -
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Thank you for this comment. I know Edwin Morgan by name only, and that is, perhaps, just as well, as it has helped me to create something of my own. I let the line work on me, making it my starting point, as it were, rather than somewhere to reach. The idea of the poem flowed from it. Even though this is free verse, I tried to give it a bit of balance in its structure, slightly mirroring the construction of the last line in the first, for example.
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I like this poem, very romantic, understated but compelling. I love /quizzical, monochrome kaleidoscope/ and the image of weather and seasons that provide the ground for the picnic blanket of love.
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That last line not only spoke to you, it positively compelled you to write this excellent piece. I enjoyed this poem immensely.
Bill
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Thanks, Bill.
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This is beautiful and not what I expected when I peeked in here. I’m a sucker for love poems and you simply stole my heart with this.
Love,
Amera♥
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This was simply how that last line spoke to me.
Thank you, Sis.
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although I am probably as romantic as a kitchen-closet, I am sensitive to your words, especially to the deep longing heart that gave birth to them ...
much love,
maa
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I used to write a lot of love poetry at one time. I wondered whether I still had it in me.
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very nice, mairi. I like your poems in and out of formation.
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Thanks.
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Hauntingly romantic, I didn't know you felt that way about me!
I'd prefer it rhymed of course, but I like it a lot count 'em
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You stomp in here with your size elevens, before anyone else can get a word in, and you spoil the mood - you wally!
I counted 'em. There were three. Maybe they'll breed.
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