Summer in the Swedish woods, my wife and kids
breathing in the Nordic purity of pine resin
and wild strawberries, sunlight's lancing light
on lake water. We have escaped the rigours
of city life for awhile: out here in the wild,
unfettered forest where no danger threatens.
All is well. The tent is up, the fire lit
and I set off toward the lake for water.
The woods are dark, but a pale wash
of moonlight silvers the way as I trudge
down the embankment to the glinting lake,
shouldering my way through reeds and ferns.
And suddenly I fall, tripping clumsily
over a root, my head striking something hard.
The lights dim and fade into unconsciousness.
God knows how long I lay like that,
but eventually I hear the clicking of insects
and shrill among the leaves, my children impatiently calling.
A contest entry
- Last Lines by Keith.
450 points, ended May 4, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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The setting is beautiful, the description is detailed and vocabulary wide and well chosen. Accidents happen in an instant, just like that. I enjoyed reading; I like that you don't tell us what to think.
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Such forshadowing occurs in the telling of this incident. The imagery is vivid. I can see the slivering moonlight glinting off the waters and the headlong fall into darkness.
The children calling struck a note of recognition, too. How much we take for granted that our path will be smooth and that those we care most about will always be within reach of our calling.
~K
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This is the about the only poem with a narrative element that I've read. It's very atmospheric, and leaves the reader wondering if it refers to a real incident. But, as they say around here, that's for me to ken, and you to find out:
The original poem is called Picking Apples. I've found a link to it; there's lots of other stuff on the page, and you have to scroll down to find it, but it's worth a look: by the way, I just noticed that this link quotes the line without the my. But I assure you, that's a typo:
http://www.whimsy.org.uk/words4today2.html -
This gives you that cold terror you feel upon realization that you just had a close call - love the way you handled the final lines. A compelling vignette.
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Bill
You are some story teller my friend. lol I think you should write childrens books for they would be a joy to read
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What a strangely compelling wee poem. It kinda doesn't go anywhere, but when it gets there it leaves you wondering.
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