As the wind turns it’s gentle face
I note the chill in your embrace
The leaves are bronzing all around
What happens to the love we found?
I note the chill in your embrace
So maybe you just need some space
Take your time and ignore my pain
I will wash my tears in the rain
The leaves are bronzing all around
My heart is bleeding to this sound
Your love for me has blown away
Your passion for me gone astray
What happens to the love we found?
Now dying on the bronzing ground
How can we pick up the pieces?
Before our love dies or ceases
Author notes
This poem is written as a Retourne.
Displaying the season "Fall", metaphoric for a love that is dying.
In a list
A contest entry
- Pre-writes- Please read requirements. by StormGoddess.
450 points, ended April 22, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme your hurt into gold by piccola.
600 points, ended May 8, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Sad -- So Sorry
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A marveleous piece...
A marveleous piece; congratulations on the shiny trophies - definitely well deserved; wonderfully written. --Joe
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I note the chill in your embrace
So maybe you just need some space
Take your time and ignore my pain
I will wash my tears in the rain
This was so well put. I don't know how it could have been said any better. Washing tears away with raindrops is a singularly splendid metaphor. No one knows when you walk in the rain that you are crying.
The whole thing is full of color and emotion. You deserved the gold prize for this poem.
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I have seen Amera write a retourne it does seem to make a pretty sound and I lve your rhyming.
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what a nice form and lovely metaphor. thank you for the entry.
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god I know
this feeling! it's sad, touchingly beautiful ,and excellently written.
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awww this is so sad. i hate when relationships go bad an people lose the love they once had. thankyou so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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ah i was having a discussion on rain earlier today with a friend, on how it can cleanse the soul
i live in a rainy part of the world, manchester, england, so... yeah
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This is a beautiful poem which not only compliments the picture but also takes us on a journey into our past (well, it does for me). Very well written and crafted. Well done, Rebekah-Anne.
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Hi there dear South African friend! This is such a lovely write and so apt for this season. How brilliant to be able to colour your words with the seasons and colours of autumn. Short and bitter-sweet your write. Thank you for your note. I am not very active on AP anymore...too many things going on like writers block and all the rest. Keep writing! You are obviously doing it well.
Nanette
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This is such a lovely write. "Take your time and ignore my pain / I will wash my tears in the rain". This is such an amazing write and tells of such utter selflessness. Well done for this, it is great.
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this poem is really cute, i like the leaf you have used on this page and the colors tie it together even better i love the way you say about "what happend to the love we've found?" i love the way this poem flows every part of it is touching, good luck in the contest and keep up the beautiful writes, -Amy
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I really hope you're doing alright...
Well let me say that whatever is going on... whatever developments have occurred since you last updated me... they have been triggered some of the deepest, most beautiful poetry I'VE EVER read from you... honestly that line, 'I note the chill in your embrace' ... I can't tell you how much that line moved me. And this was all so well written... and the message was just... ugh.. perfect... perfect darling... flawless...
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dying love changing with the seasons...you wrote this beautifully, with a sweetness and a distinct sadness that can be felt. Sometimes one loving the other more happens...don't know...just sad...beautiful poem, excellent direction with your prompt. blessings always and I wish you the best in this contest~ Trisha
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I love the Retourne and you have taken it and made it your own. This is so sad because it happens to many couples; for some reason the love fades for one of the partners.
Love,
Amera
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