The Last Letter

Dear BLAH (Tony),
You wrote me an email... How nice of you!  You don't get it, do you?  I said I'm done, that I never want you to contact me, again.  Yes, you said sorry, but you also called me disrespectful, rude, etc.  You made a mistake that you have to live with, you made a choice... sorry...fine, but know this you've said it before.  You said it when you came back the last time... and guess what?!  You left again.  You weren't sorry...  If you were sorry you wouldn't have left.  I'm not trying to say that I don't believe you're sorry, that you're not serious because I think people can change for the better...  I think until you die you change.  However, I do think that it's hard to believe someone that has lied to me over and over again.

I am not rude and I am not disrespectful.  You have no right to call me that.  It pisses me off quite a bit.  Think of what you've done to me?  I think that's pretty rude, direspectful, and jerkfaceish of you!  So, don't tell me I'm rude and disrespectful when you can't even say you aren't. 

And for the reason you left... being a "donkey" is not a reason.  It's an excuse, and a lame one at that.  Don't make excuses for what you did wrong.  Live with it, deal with it.  Grow up.

The funny thing is I almost didn't read that email.  Someone convinced me though that it'd be better to read it and deal with it than go through the what-ifs in my head and deal with emotions to the all the possible what-ifs.  I was done with you; I am done with you.  I am not letting you back into my life like last time.  You have always instilled doubt in me... blaming myself for what you did.  You always make me feel guilty.  And, I'm through with that because I deserve better... and I'm done doubting myself.

the thing is part of the reason I didn't want to read it was because I thought well, maybe it's wrong of me to think that I don't want you in my life.  But, now, I realize it's not. 

The thing is I won't send this.  It's pointless... you'll either argue with something I've said or go "I know and I'm sorry."

Maybe some day I'll forgive you... maybe I'll even want you in my life.  But, at the moment, I don't.  I don't forgive you, yet, and I don't want you in my life.  I only want the people that are good for me, that support me in my life. 

So, thanks for the apology, whether you mean it or not I don't know, but no thanks for coming back.  And, definitely, no thanks for calling me disrespectful and rude.  So, basically thanks, but no thanks.

And that's the end... That's it.  The last letter I write and never send... for now...

Ashliegh