Pillows hug my aching head;
as the hangover sets in.
It's late afternoon,or so the clock says;
but my dreary eyes tell me otherwise.
eggs and bacon sound repulsing;
good thing my stomach is deaf.
As toast burns in the heat of the moment;
I grab fistfuls of condensation.
my goals are too time consuming;
so I make an abbreviation.
Effortless passion never gets anywhere.
So I grab my motivation with eager anticipation.
Blank stares settle within confusion;
"where can you find depth if the waters you swim,
are only knee high?"
This thirst for intoxication clouds my judgement.
The liquor store becomes my toy store.
While my dreams become my past.
Author notes
Not an alcoholic,just writing in someone else's eyes.
please what do you think.
- Poets wanting comments group list • next in list
whats your opinion about it?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This is really good! Sad but great!
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the poison of alcohol
such a bad this
but a brilliant poem
god bless
love cassie -
The highlight of this poem, for me, was this phrase
my stomach is deaf
I just love that. I think I have a weird and immediate liking for anything that talks about body parts. I do wish that you had done something a bit more abstract with the idea, because I think you definitely could've. But that's just my personal style talking, there's nothing wrong with poetry that isn't abstract.
As I was reading it, it felt like the poem was trying too hard. I'm not sure what for, maybe trying too hard for imagery or desperation or to be philosophical. I don't know. It just felt a little overdone to me. But for someone that's only been writing for 7 months, not bad at all my man. Not bad at all. I hope you keep going, I think you have a ton of potential. -
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Well before i had written this poem,I was writing only abstract and philosophical poetry,so I was trying to change my style.
I meant for it to be like that,I was combining the two and trying something new.
Thanks for your opinion.
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...?
At a loss...
Wow.
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I love the way that you express yourself
and how you describe things in your work.
Very clever and imaginative mind you have.
Thanks a lot for sharing this one with me
and keep your pen filled and moving my
friend! Take care and keep it up!
Jeremy0826
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"As toast burns in the heat of the moment;
I grab fistfuls of condensation.
my goals are too time consuming;
so I make an abbreviation."
You are a very talented writer, with clever descriptions of everyday life to make it appear intriguingly vivid. Nice job.
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I like these poems about what I call urban life even though it could be written by a farmer. I'm sure they drink, too. but it has an urban feel and a certain feeling of worthlessness. Good job.
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wow, I really believe this the most simple amazing thing I've read in a while.great job
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Why does anyone get intoxicated? Is it for pleasure or relieve stress or not take responsibilty. Another excellent write. Keep them coming.
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Insightful
A wonderful job of putting yourself inside an alkie's booze-swollen brain. Especially liked the zinger last line. Exactly!
Thanks for sharing
Erik
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Very well done here
Its a perfect fescription of am alcoholic for I have seen a few in my time . alcoholics that is
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well done...we could feel your pain!
cleverly done, and oh we could feeel your pain,
nothing worse then the dreaded feelings and echoes of
last night's fun!
ears/Seattle well done! well done!
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i like it and that was i good way of showing it through another persons eyes. great write.
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Great description through another's experience. It has alot of nice thoughts and great lines. Excellent job!
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Excellent
Very well done. A great reflection of thought. Thank you for sharing.
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"good thing my stomach is deaf."
I really like this one. Well done! Keep it up!
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i think in a lot of places in this poem you seem to lose direction and flow but overall it is a good poem and definitaly has good meaning good job keep it up
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beautiful...i read this earlier, and liked it...read this again, and loved it
good thing my stomach is deaf.
perfect way to close the opening...proud of you bro
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This is really good, especially for not being finished. Can't imagine what you are going to do with it. Nice.
Kelli -
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Thank you
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