we slept in corridors of the train station,
observing casual passerby's
and laughing at those who'd trip
when they were glued to their posessions.
they'd glare at us,
cursing beneath breaths
and calling us maniac-minded imbeciles
as if it mattered to us.
and we'd play hide and seek in railway tunnels,
even if we failed to make a living.
we could eat as long as he could steal.
we slept under arches, dome-like vaults,
that kept us safe [and strangled]
in the dense mist at night
until the morning rush loomed over,
prodding our rib-cages as we sat up.
i told him that we couldn't live on left-overs
or a passenger's unwanted burden
but he kept insisting that life was buried
under grains of dirt and worn down asphalt.
he always seemed intellectual, so i remained content
with the "i love you's" and "dah'ling, dance for me's"
cradling myself
in his embrace.
Author notes
Never Fall in Love
Prompt: arcade
I don't know why, but I kept thinking love and railways for this. So here we go.
A contest entry
- Whatever..just make it good. [astonish me] by borrowing.moonlight.
1000 points, ended June 30, 2008, 160 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [And we were in this .house and there was a /sound like ;silverware being ..dropped on *linoleum by chasing rainbows.
525 points, ended June 14, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Now you tell me:
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I love the simplicity of this, it's so rich and def worth reading.
Thanks for entering.
Stay sick.
xx Sin -
wow.. thats so interesting.. i mean really you have such a unique perspective.. and simplistic beauty really suits you. i must say i really like this quite a lot! thank you so much for entering your best. i may have to look at some more of your work because this is the second poem by you that im putting in pre-finalists ^^ good luck!
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haha, thank you
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This hurt.
I don't know if it was meant to, but it was like a subtle stab in the back.
Painful in an honest way that you can't turn away from, but desperately want to, god you want to.
♥
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Oh, I always mean pain
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It's one of the things I love about your writing.
You should stab me more often, it makes me smile
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lol
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Wow, it seemed like you transferred your soul into your writing utensil. It is really beautiful!
I wish you good luck!
--> pia♫♪
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I liked the beginning! This poem was overall cute
and the voice seemed happy even in the current
situation. He must mean something.
-Emily
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This was well done. I liked the mental picture and the emotion in this write. thanks for entering.
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a good poem
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HAHA. That beginning was so cute. I didn't get a full on-railway metaphor, but the poem's meaning was well constructed anyways. The voice was smooth & personal & it takes so many people time to learn how to write like that.
You laid arches everywhere in this. Nice. :]
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i would have ended it at 'embrace' - but even with what you already have there, it works, like a stream of consciousness kind of thing, i guess.
out of all that i've read from you, which is maybe like.. not even 10 poems, lol, this is my favorite.
i really liked the central metaphor, and the emotion packed into this. very balanced. okay, now i'm rambling. good luck.
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And I'll end at embrace - good point
Are the line breaks okay?
I had 32 lines ... god knows how I managed to get it down to 25 *sigh* -
You mean I should have written this for you?!
God, I'll imitate this for the game then
Thankies
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ohhhh, the piece begins with a very mature theme and tone... unexpected! The vagabond in the train station (been there myself once, unfortunately, so I can't romanticize it) very artistic, nevertheless, in spite of romancing about what is really misery and mental illness... technical note- I don't see a connection with 'arcade', though in a mysterious way the word 'arcade' in your author's notes 'complete' the piece... maybe use it as a title? I enjoyed it- as a fantasy piece!
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Arcade as in "arches" in construction and normally seen in railway stations (or metros if you will) - it's what inspired me and so it's what I wrote.
Thank you for the comment
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I wished everyone was loved tonight...
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wow!!! nice job i think that you did really well on this poem. i loved the part that said"and we'd play hide and seek in railway tunnels,
even if we failed to make a living.
we could eat as long as he could steal."
i think that the first line leads to a really powerful poem and i think that you did really well on this one.
good job and dont stop writing.
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thank you
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nice... i wouldn't go as far as to say this is a happy poem, there seems to be underlying distress, but definitely a change for you... i like it
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haha, this isn't happy - that's true. But I must have hit my head somewhere when writing this
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you may have lol... but a little insanity can always brighten up the day, sometimes it takes a hit to the head to see the things that life keeps hidden
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that kept us safe [and strangled]
it'll be alright...
he said it would.
I adore those lines. To me, they're about the risks and the peace that comes with having confidence in someone else. It's easier and scarier at the same time to rely on someone other than yourself.
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Thank you!
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