i can't or won't

all the words i write
all the emotions i hide
all i let out
it never seams to be enough
no matter what i do or say
i never feel right
i never feel like it matters
i want so little and so much
i cant seam to get any of it
i always find the easy way out
i take the road most traveled
i can never be the man of my dreams
i can never achieve greatness or glory
all around me people are thriving
  while i just survive
i trey what they tell me
i have a family that cares now
and i cannot accept it
i have emotional support if i ask for it
but i cant or wont
is this my personality?
do i want this?
is it that i like it,
or is something wrong with me
the things i think about
scare me and others
selfdistrution, deliberately
emotionally disturbed, lovingly
cutting, bleeding, pain
the only answers i ever think of
so close is my trouble but i cant see it
so close is the solution but i cant reach it
all i want is worthless
yet i soldger on in, search of it
the easiest answer too wrong
the hardest choice so easy
i need help but i cant or wont
seek it out