My hair goes over shoulder of turned head,
and back like A skirt moving in happy walk
glad also for daughter following me
as sunny breeze is more breathable with bird,
chirping is way we need another ray of energy
along dressing can not
forget breastfeeding sundries
so hearing my child sing behind me
is better than just any tape of young voice
similar how the tweet invigorates directly,
in my ear rather than show
but it's enjoyed when others know it
and she'll probably tomorrow
see people with nature
while I have technology of left out
like at unmobile window
for chemical sensitivity though sweeter
with drops of masking shawl
same as good weather
at park by ditchside with soft waistline
not believing only miscarriage among soil
or business of disregard
summarized by advantage of my husband's work
in nearby shop understanding nose
around dust of ground that can weigh a lot
as clod of earth tossed towards clot
oh I'd like it looser
formably formidable or ripe fruit dissolves
and its mix of music
more than dollars allowance
for accidental take
solutions can turn into last days
I see a shepherd dog
while my girl picks pecking dirt at me
herding me in to a game
trying not to hurt, and I put on such uniform
carrying the size of gloves until I throw it in the wind
and then daddy comes with hands in pockets
From time the souvenirs are deeds
Author notes
15
*
good luck is inordinate to me; Isaiah 65:11
I welcome comments
but not emoticons unless basic plant/animal
however NO applause symbol look, thank you
A contest entry
- Last Lines by Keith.
450 points, ended May 4, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
belonging acknowledged
Comments
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You have a very individual style, which makes the ordinary seem extraordinary. I enjoyed reading this. Some of the vocabulary is very unusual, but it fits in well with the general feel of the piece. I've never seen the word unmobile before, but I can see that in a world where even children are linked by mobile, it's a handy term. And it's very different from immobile. I think you mean waistline, rather than waisline, though. I don't deal in emoticons as a rule, don't worry.
I've got a feeling you might be interested in the original poem which is by Edwin Morgan, the nearest thing Scotland has to a poet Laureate. It's called FROM THE DOMAIN OF ARNHEIM and I've actually managed to find a link to it. I hope it works:
http://66.102.9.104/search?q=cache:q6kJFMpm788J:www.vscoted.com/materials/English/General/Poetry/Edwin%2520Morgan/From%2520the%2520Domain%2520of%2520Arnheim/FROM%2520THE%2520DOMAIN%2520OF%2520ARNHEIM.doc+from+the+domain+of+Arnheim+Edwin+Morgan&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=8&gl=uk -
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nice flash card --
Keith thanks for the heartening review
I am glad for the origin granted over what I just used excerpt by, but never turned on more than that indication. It had many quotable parts actually towards more parallels lol, but also overall a different fullness.
I was happy my terms swelled well, and I will edit that which was obviously typo with no imagination to go around it...
appreciated your kindness and honorable win,
babies are my subject
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