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Perfect Days

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Perfect Days



It’s five o’clock, I sit and wait
behind the wheel, please don’t be late,
I see your face among the crowd,
tall and handsome, strong and proud.

Relentless heat throughout the day
a time to love, a time to play,
relaxations just in reach,
a picnic laid out on the beach.

A blanket spread upon the ground
we say so much, without a sound,
the meal is placed for your delight,
you smile at such a sensual sight.

On finest foods tonight we’ll dine
and drink the sweetest sparkling wine,
I sit and watch you eat your fill,
remembering why I love you still.

Crabs return to watery graves,
beneath our feet the lapping waves,
a gentle stroll upon the sand,
I pull you close and take your hand.

A cooling breeze to stir the air
the dying sun streaked through your hair,
we stand engulfed in sunset rays
and kiss the end of perfect days.


 
 

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • melphleg gold member
    May 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think you certainly created a romantic setting in this piece. It is often said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so it's appropriate your setting includes a meal.
    I think the rhyme and rhythm were well done.


  • Swan song gold member
    April 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is tremendous loved it


  • mental-not-physical
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    My winner

    Great Job!


  • mental-not-physical
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ........WONDERFUL!!!


  • Grey Mouser
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a magnificent day this would feel to enjoy. Turning into the times of purest bliss when two kiss. Very well done,
    Mouser


  • cricketjeff gold member
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I have read each poem three times and have applied three tests. Is it romantic? does it impress me as a bloke? and then my own usual judging criteria. After all those I come down to this as my winner. quite close though.

  • cricketjeff gold member
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely rhyme, meter just about perfect and love on a beach.
    There are four really good poems here, and I think two that are about equal, I off to re-read them all.


  • stani
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ah! what a poem! i love it to bits! just love it!

  • melphleg gold member
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Judging Time

    Thank you for entering my contest. Now it's judging time. Please pick your winner in the men's contest. Please be fair, read and comment on all entries and put your winning choice in a submitted comment on the poem.
    http://allpoetry.com/contest/2398941
    Thanks.


  • arafura gold member
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "A cooling breeze to stir the air
    the dying sun streaked through your hair,
    we stand engulfed in sunset rays
    and kiss the end of perfect days."

    Great stuff poet!


  • SomeonesToySoldier gold member
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Its beautiful Ms Sue. I love the beach at sunset setting as it brings back many fond memories from relationships past. As always your rhythm and rhyme are flawless and the picture painted int my mind id great. Another lovely poem.


  • passim silver member
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is lovely. It pulled me along wondering what was coming next. I am still wondering? Ooh La La. Bravo really enjoyed this.


  • breedluv gold member
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ........I'll have what she's having, sir!
    Awesome write, Sue. Sweet and very descriptive.

1 - 13 of 13