Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Guilt

He washes his hands in mud
Cleans his skin in sand
she beckons him from dirty sheets
tear-stained with outstretched hands
half of her heart in each
Like an offering of fruits
like a prayer to a god
She would give him everything
but he washes away her scent with filth.

Author notes

.

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • broken-colours
    April 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "she beckons him from dirty sheets
    tear-stained with outstretched hands"

    The title to the poem really aids in helping understand the general idea. I enjoyed reading this. Your word choice keeps the reader interested and the length is short yet sweet. Great job; keep writing!


  • Selene Tremere
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    interesting i really loved the beginning ^^


  • Perception
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm... The descriptions are very interesting.... Very good imagery, however... I like the flow - it was wonderful, in places ~

    Good poem
    ~ Perception


  • TheCrazyBeautiful
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like it.

    Sorry I can't say more than that.


  • WhiteAngelCake
    April 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for letting me read your "dumb poem". It's not too bad... Ok, Ok! It is dumb. (I was joking.) My favorite type of poem is when it rhymes, but this wasn't "dumb". I don't really understand what this poem says. But when I read the title it sorta, kinda, might make sense. Good job! If you make poetry, it not "dumb". At least you made a poem. I'll see if you have any more "dumb" stuff.

    -Beyond Da` (Awsome) Craziness

    Trust me with my nickname.

1 - 5 of 5