There's an empty riverbed
Where I could lie and let time erode
Watch as my muscles deteriorate
Wait as starvation and thirst claim my body
Listen as the wild divides up my flesh
Stay there, as my bones turn to rock
And, in good time, sand
I wish to go to that cradle of a riverbed
Hang there in purgatory
Everlasting
If
You did want to know
In the first place
A contest entry
- I want your Best of Best! by Country Gal.
316 points, ended April 18, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Allpoetry Survivor! by broken-colours.
600 points, ended May 2, 2008, 49 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Est-ce que ça te dit?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Well, it is dark, as I asked against, but it isn't in an overwhelming way, so I think I'll keep it in my contest. As for the critique, this was gorgeous. "Where I could lie and let time erode" is probably my favorite line. What a metaphor! Plus I love the word "erode". However, I felt like the last lines didn't really go with the rest of it, for whatever reason. Like maybe a different ending would match more. Anyway, thanks for entering and good luck!
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Wow that's good. You did a really good job depicting what you were imagining. So good, that I could picture it in my head too. Good luck in the contest! ( =
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I like this--a simply-stated poem about indifference (my interpretation, anyway).
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Oui, tres tres bien! Je m'apelle Ce'cile Ayotte. J'aime "Cradle". ^-^
((Regarder, Fracaise1 dans Highschool)) -
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Oh la la. xD Je prends Français III. Je déteste mon prof, mais je vais continuer à Français IV pendant l'année prochaine.
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