Your pretentious demeanor makes me sick,
The erosion on my dignity has taken a toll on my well being.
Glitter eyeshadow poisons depressed trolls,
As the mixture of nicotine and alcohol poisons my lungs.
In the ninth hour witches will gather deep in the dark woods,
To perform their famed incantations, just for you.
Cackle by cackle my soul envisions the magical creatures being born through the incantations,
They wander in and out of rainbow tubes.
Your obnoxious voice is ruining this dream,
as cold coffee spills on rotted wood.
Your pretentious demeanor makes me sick,
The erosion on my dignity has taken a toll on my well being.
Author notes
I used....
Option #3:
Incorporate ALL of the following 5 words in your poem...remember, make it dark.
pretentious
ninth
erosion
wander
soul
A contest entry
- Dark Poetry Quickie-TONS of options, LOTS of creativity =) by notorious.
495 points, ended April 19, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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A contributive example for edgy poetry, I saw the worth in the win. Congrats!
Cackle by cackle Gee, I loved that line. It's got a jillion possibilities that 'hear and crawl up the congested warp in our child-heart'..
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Let me first say that the background certainly contributes to that "poisonous" vibe. This poem has mixtures of darkness, fantasy and self-destruction--it's certainly interesting.
"In the ninth hour witches with gather deep in the dark woods,"
This is a good line, but it doesn't make sense--the witches WITH what?? I'm sure it was probably a word you forgot to delete when you wrote it...please change (or explain?) this if you'd like to be considered as a finalist.
My favorite lines:
"Your pretentious demeanor makes me sick"
There is so much strength and conviction in this line.
"To perform their famed incantations, just for you."
Scathing and magical at the same time. Very nicely done.
"Your obnoxious voice is ruining this dream"
Amusing in the most wry way--absolutely delightful.
"as cold coffee spills on rotten wood."
Wonderful imagery, truly.
Please fix the line I mentioned, and let me know when you do!
Thanks for entering, and good luck.
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Thank you for your comment, I meant to write "will" not with I don't know why I did, but I did fix it, thank you for pointing it out!
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creative, expresses anger and blame. it revolves around dark fantasy.. good luck in the contest
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Love It!
This is so dark and moody but also with (I thought) a slight touch of comic relief to smooth over the edges of the oppression you must be feeling from this person. Lines 9-10 made me chuckle sardonically. Thanks for sharing this.
Erik
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