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Coming Back

darkness, coming back

from a world that is all black.

evil deeds and evil ways,

leave no room for better days.

 

i can't make up,

for what I've done.

can't make it good,

for everyone.

 

my only chance,

to earn redemption,

to get relief and

receive exemption.

   

do no wrong

for any reason.

do what's right

in every season.

 

must live my life

beyond reproach

if salvation i wish

to approach

 

so from those days

i'm coming back.

to live with morals

i once did lack.

 

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Deprived-of-Reason
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    wow, great poem. I love how the character within the poem decides to take charge for herself/himself/itself for most of the time we look to others to rescue us. But this shows independence and strength. That is what i took from the poem anyways.
    It was very well written, and enjoyed reading. great flow and rhythm
    great job!

  • all faded blue
    July 3
    Edit | Reply

    inspiring message well done


  • Tqop
    July 3
    Edit | Reply
    Very good on this. It's very moving.

  • LovingPhoenix
    July 3

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    This is incredible! Very simple, to the point, yet deep and insightful! I love the hope at the end!


  • Keirii
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice!

    Your words are very story like and when I was reading it I felt like I was reading the lyrics to a song. Simple yet very well done!

    I truly enjoyed reading this!


  • lake of dremas
    July 3
    Edit | Reply
    wooow


  • ASleepingPoppy
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    when i read it out loud to myself... well because thats who i am... it was in song...is that weird?
    anyway, its short, to the point, and emotional, what more could you ask for?


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done. The short line rhymes that you use are a type of writing I have not mastered. I do rhymes, but my lines are long. I enjoyed this alot.

    Mike


  • ArtRocks27
    June 22

    Edit | Reply

    OMG I LOVE IT!!!!!!!

    I was completely engrossed by the wording. I think I read it about three times. It makes me think of the way the world is and of the changes the world could be. The flow for this poem was perfect! I couldn't really think of anything that you might want to think of improving on. I try to give that in my comments so its not just completely "great job!" "Nice write" blah blah blah. What can I say I like to go out of my way a bit. I would have to say that "my only chance,to earn redemption, to get relief and receive exemption." I don't know why but it is. Well I'll let you read this cause I need to get out of this house and go do something on such a nice day! I hope to read more of your poems in the near future!

    Maggie


  • stormigrl
    June 20

    Edit | Reply

    AWESOME

    This is an excellent poem and I believe that many should read this. You write very well.

    Hope you are feeling better soon.


  • FreakshowAkaChristy silver member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    I like how it starts off sounding like your trapped within the jail-cell of your mind, then you break the bars and let yourself run free. I love the whole general concept of it. And the way you wrote it allows the reader to understand it easily. The rhyming really works here also. Very nicely done.


  • Sick Sunshine
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    aww

    this poem is soo empowering! I really envy the goal set forth... it's just motivation that holds most of us back from.. really doing what we mean to do..


  • Rajia
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I like this one, lots. Very well done, friend.

  • wind echoes
    October 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very nice.


  • OnyxtheForsaken
    September 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    love the rhyming scheme and i like the message of redemption. Very good work!


  • P. W. Blackwell
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    aww baby i love it you have a good talent and i cant belive you havent' been writing cause you are reallly good please keep it up i can't wait to read more

  • Twilight2
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done Andrew

  • jeaninefrick
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love it Otoole, very nice.

1 - 18 of 18