I ring the doorbell to get your attention.
You take a while to answer while I strain to listen.
You open the door and say come on in.
I see him on the couch and my wheels start to spin.
Do I shake his hand?
Do I hurt him?
Do I squeeze his throat to feel the neck crack within?
Your explainations are valid.
Your looks are pleading.
Still for some reason my heart is bleeding.
I trust you with all my soul.
I have to to let you hold my heart.
I've never liked him though. Not from the very start.
I've caught you in your lies.
Unwound your mistakes.
I'm sure they are innocent.
They're to tell my heart not to break.
I love you baby.
But it's not mutual.
It hurts to know your just in it for fun.
To sit and know I'm not the one.
Dont take these words the wrong way.
It's nothing you dont know.
Just know that I'm struggling inside.
Trying not to let it all show.
My greatest fear is that you'll step out on me.
You tell me irritated you wont.
You seem to know the future.
I most certainly dont.
I want this to last forever.
You think this is just a fling.
I'm working to catch your love.
Before the end of spring.
Dont get irritated by my worries.
Dont get upset by my distress.
Be my ear and understand as I pretend to put them to rest.
They are always on inside.
Just be gentle when you hurt me.
It's inevitable when feelings are involved.
I'm here till you leave me.
There when you need me.
Mad when I dont need to be.
Apologetic when ur upset.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
I'm here.
Can you sense the feeling I was trying to portray?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Yeah definitely! You manage to keep a great sense of flow but at the same time you are rhyming perfectly! There's great feeling in this piece, I do like it.
"I see him on the couch and my wheels start to spin.
Do I shake his hand?
Do I hurt him?
Do I squeeze his throat to feel the neck crack within?"
The questions here make the poem move faster increasing the idea of your anger rising.
"It hurts to know your just in it for fun.
To sit and know I'm not the one.
Dont take these words the wrong way.
It's nothing you dont know.
Just know that I'm struggling inside.
Trying not to let it all show. "
I think I like this part second best, it shows great honesty and really just trying to show yourself to her, hoping she will like you the same way.
"You think this is just a fling.
I'm working to catch your love.
Before the end of spring.
Don't get irritated by my worries.
Don't get upset by my distress.
Be my ear and understand as I pretend to put them to rest.
They are always on inside.
Just be gentle when you hurt me."
This is the part I like the best, without a doubt. Because you seem so vulnerable in love, and it is something so deep and true, that you just wait for her to feel the same. The first three verses, I can relate to the most.
Great write!
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DEEP
WOW. well that was deep. i like the ending of the poem because it seemed to wrap up the whole thing in just a few lines.
intense my brotha.
much luv ~brittcabob -
Wow!
You left me speechless. I know how this feels. I may not know it from a guys point of view. But, when my guy is talking to or hanging out with another girl. I get so jealous and it seems as if there is something more behind their blank glances at a sily girl like me.
Great Write Hun, Keep It Up :]
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In love
That poem was very good.I glad that you wrote the poem so I know how you feel now. My favorite part was when you made everything rhymed.
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AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! Baby I understand how you feel and I don't want to put you through that. It is more then just a fling and I'm in it more than to just have fun
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