Long have I sat
in this throne
of marble
misery
gazing over
my court
of desolate
despair
A Queen
An Empress even
forgotten
A muted myth
Eons pass
in this palace
of screaming
solitude
yearning for one
a touch
entreating
only to receive
the clammy
damp embrace
encircled
by Ivy's tender grasp
Ages unfold
with no one
to hear my tales
tantalizing
save for one
a mud wasp
who has found shelter
serene
a niche upon this
marble
neck of mine
I ask of you
to remain with me
rejoice
and sup
under the moon
of silver
shimmering
until it fades
to orange haunting
hibernation
and listen to my story
of life everlasting
Lonliness eternal
Give me meaning
once again
rememberance
reverence
and whisper my name
so that I may
become a dream
Where I shall walk
again
amongst the beings of today
Lest I fade to neglected
Nothingness
A contest entry
- Give me your lonely by darlintlc.
450 points, ended May 21, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Awwww Lonesome Me by piccola.
600 points, ended May 22, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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the fave game
the third stanza, those images wake my brain up the most -
yes, it must be lonely to be a statue...so many times they go unnoticed except by pigeons and then ... well yeah. I like this a lot. Congrats on the gold and thank you for entering.
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Loved it!!
It all fits very well together...I wouldn't change a thing!!
Reminds me of the move "Queen of the Damned" book by Annie Rice-one of my favorite authors.
How much more lonely could you get than to be a statue of "marble"
"Lest I fade to neglected Nothingness"
What more can I say...that's lonelyness!
Great job and thanks for entering
good luck
darlintlc -
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haha, you're the only one who has mentioned "Queen of the Damned"! The book/movie was a little bit of inspiration for this poem and im happy you noticed that. Thanks again for the gold!!!
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I really like this one alot, I think maybe you need a few commas to help the flow. Or maybe the way the lines are broken down could be edited. I like the words, I don't think they need changing. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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great job! love the write! very creative and good luck in the contest
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thanks for entering! I really liked this piece! you did a really good job and good luck in this one and all of your other contests
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I like this one. The thought of a statues ideas is a neat concept. The presentation of the piece is really good. I think the 2nd and 3rd verse fit just fine. It might be considered long if every line break were about a sentence long. Its short and choppy breaks make it interesting to pick through and find the Ideas at hand. I think it works just fine with the color and backroung as well. Definently fits this competition. Good luck ~peace
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Thank you. im very pleased to hear that the 2 verses fit. Im also glad to hear the style worked, ive been trying to get out of the habbit of rhyming. Haha, im also really happy you noticed the color scheme.
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A really really well written piece. Lots to think about. Fantastic well done.
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You really painted some excellent images here and also pulled the reader in emotionally. I normally am not a fan of such short lines, for they limit a poems pacing and feel, but somehow it worked for me here. I would keep all of your verses in tact. Each one helped to tell the story. It definitely had that fairy-tale feeling to it, and I thought was very well done.
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thank you so much for the feedback. always appreciated!
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You have mastered some great imagery here! If a statue could think, I believe it would be along these lines. I like all the verses, I would leave them all in, as it unfolds with a progression beginning with the solitude in the first three to the pleas in the last two. 'Long have I sat...eons pass...ages unfold...I ask of you...give me meaning' so plaintive!
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thank you so much for the feedback! I was iffy on those 2 verses but Im glad you thought those were appropriate!
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