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Resistance

Peering into pallid, paranoid eyes, you'll see,
two blackened pearls, falling, sinking,
weightlessly pulled down, depths of the sea,
blue water fades to black, increasingly rushing,
as they smack rock bottom, only to desperatly fight,
to catch a glint, a glitter, a spark, sunlight,
as whales somberly float in the distance,
singing their songs of psalms and resistance.

A beautiful face, so calm, so serene,
but as sunlight refuses to reach too deep,
you cannot fathom these terrors unseen.
Raging, swirling, steadily climbing,
I'll try to remain afloat, but fear has me
gasping, gaping, merely declining,
back to who I swore I'd never be.

What do you think?

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Metaphorist
    April 17, 2008

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    A lot of great imagery but comma overload! I might try making some lines in stanza one shorter and changing it so it isn't one long run-on sentence. Just a suggestion. Great emotion though.


  • No More Lies
    April 17, 2008

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    Emotional Poem

    I could feel the emotion in this one, the fear in this gripped me in a way no emotion has gripped me before
    It's a good read,


  • xPink-Lotusx
    April 17, 2008

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    This was an enjoyable read, good writing. The flow was great. I thought the description was wonderful. Well done and Keep the Muse alive!

  • mindpoet
    April 17, 2008

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    I like the way you continually draw an analogy between drowning in an ocean among whalesong and fighting against what seems to be judgment against you from peers. This judgment can often pull us away from our better self and it is good you have the courage to stand up against it. Your work is incredibly rich and mature. Keep writing.
    Erik


  • LlorosoSonador
    April 17, 2008

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    I ike how you use alot of detail, though all of the details were a little over powering, i really like this poem. its very, very good


  • Perception
    April 17, 2008

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    Hmm... Though I must say, this is a very descriptive metaphorical (if that is a word) piece... Though I think you actually kind of lost yourself in the descriptions some where in the middle. Though this was a great piece, and it had a lot of good flow (amazing flow in fact) I'm not sure if you needed all.. of that detail

    ..If you know what I mean

    Anyways... Great write, it was a pleasure to read..
    ~ Perception

1 - 6 of 6