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My life-line

As a child my parents gave a string line to me.
It was knotted in a huge ball with ends I couldn't see.
I was ordered to untangle the line then to wind it right.
I struggled throughout my childhood with their Gordian fright.
When the task was finished the line was
long, and thin, and white.
I knew just what to do with it; I tied it to a kite.
To this day I love the feeling of flying as that height.
But if there is any line I detest it's
long, and thin and white.


Fortyish now I have chosen
since that time, lines

painted in vibrant hues

with brushes six feet wide,

loaded and sloppy with
pigment that splats off either side.

From an expansive angle

I find it's in the nature

of fine lines to tangle.

A contest entry

First impressions, line breaks, improvements?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Condemd RyeZing
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written. I love the metaphor. It's intriguing.

  • spot49
    April 22

    Edit | Reply
    Fortyish now I have chosen
    since that time, lines

    painted in vibrant hues

    with brushes six feet wide,

    loaded and sloppy with
    pigment that splats off either side.
    (this is my favorite part)

    This is very emotional
    and i love emotional poems
    I love them because they make me feel what the poet is feeling.
    And in this poem i feel what your feeling.



    very good
    BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • WritingWretch silver member
      April 22
      Edit | Reply

      thanks for taking the time to think about tiis poem. the whole first part was a set-up so that I could write the lines you enjoyed

      Very perceptive of you.

  • james119
    April 17

    Edit | Reply

    maybe I assume too much?

    I love the metaphoric story here. If I read this right, it's about growing up with seemingly cryptic rules and expectations. The idea of "walking the straight and narrow" seems to be suggested, along with the growth toward independence (flight). That N chooses broad colourful strokes suggests an interesting departure, more open and transparent while not so rigid.

    favorite lines:
    From an expansive angle
    I find it's in the nature
    of fine lines to tangle

    (I do see an interesting parallel with the way the mylin sheath develops in the white matter of a young brain, with it's attendant confusion.)

    • WritingWretch silver member
      April 18
      Edit | Reply

      James119, I tried to give you extra points for your

      comments on this poem. I hope I succeeded; I'm not sure how to do it or even what it means except thanks. Anyway, you were on the money again. Mostly I'm refering to one's learning self-dicipline and persistance. Being ordered to do so doesn't make the prospect attractive but once learned the rewards are some uesful tools that allow one to fly, like learning to read, for instance. Your clever reference to the mylin sheath adds dimenions I hadn't considered. I shall share your comment with my poetry class as an example of how valuable other views can be. Thanks so much.
1 - 5 of 5