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How can I save you when I couldn’t save myself

I wake in sweat and break out in sweet humanity
The entwined twilight simplifying your shape shifting bodacious tears
those team like a bohemian blazing arts
and it day's like these we get torn apart

I take apathy and times it by my lucky number
I look for sympathy when I don't need answer, nor purpose
The war you have with yourself makes me nervous, un-eased and out travelled
In your heart I out-stayed my welcome
It makes me fray like Earthy material
I am feeling as if I'm the loneliest person on Earth

Whether I deserve you I am not sure
I can't afford to run with your slow speed
I should just stop to read your mind
Surely deep down I'll find negativity

Loving you and losing you
Leaving you in the dark while I strap on my running shoes
run right past you in my nightmare
and scare you half as much as I'm really aware

I dare save you when I swear to myself
It's hard enough saving myself

Author notes

How can I save you when I couldn’t save myself
-Burden of Sacrifice, Full Blown Rose

A contest entry

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Comments


  • notorious gold member
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A dark write with definite sorrowful roots--I was SO hoping somebody would choose this write because I adore the song the lyrics are from! This didn't disappoint to read.

    My favorite lines:
    "break out in sweet humanity"

    "I take apathy and times it by my lucky number"-A deeply unique line.

    "Leaving you in the dark while I strap on my running shoes/run right past you in my nightmare" Great imagery. You have a unique mind that shows in your writing.

    I'm not sure if this is a typo or meant to emphasize something, but I suspect it's a typo...

    "scareyou" Did you intend for these 2 to be together w/o a space?? Fix/explain this ASAP and let me know!

    Thanks for entering, and good luck.


    • LeanneBridgewater
      April 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Phanta...

      phunky feedback.. thankyou! Yes I do apologise for the typo.. normally when I make mistakes I sometimes leave them as it's part of poetry.. making a mistake which fits into my philosohpy 'nothing's perfect'.

      I'm very grateful for you actually creating this contest.. it was an interesting one and fun because there were an amazing load of options. Kudos!
      I have to dash but I'll write back abit better very soon!!
      Thankyou and keep well!
      Leanne xxxx