And when he
Looked at her giving
Her that feeling he
Often did, she
Smiled back, with
The tears in her
Eyes glistening, as
They experience their
Last separation …
You could feel the
Hurt and pain through her
Tears streaming down her
Delicate face, and
You could sense the
Tension of tacit
Conversations between
The two, the words
They wish to say remaining
Implicit…
And something in the
Way she said
Goodbye as he walked
Away lets you know
That she still
Hadn’t let go…
Author notes
Blah. This was sort of personal..and sort of not. I started thinking about a current event that just took place..and the idea sort of spawned from there. Critiques wanted..
Written December 12th, 2003
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Hey, I think you did a really good job with that. The last line is really strong..I think poetry needs a strong last line. Great Job.
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You have described such a situation so delicately. I enjoyed this piece. Good luck on all future writings!
Your Cerulean Dreamer,
Michele -
this was really cool..it was like reading a sad love story..i think you did a great job..btw thanks for the comments i plan on returning the favor many more times after this =o)
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I find your use of poetic black/white space wonderful. Excellent job.
<3 -
oh wow... thats just so deep, and touching, and wow... im lacking in words here.. amazing.
-
Morning View,
"And something in the
Way she said
Goodbye as he walked
Away lets you know
That she still
Hadn’t let go…"
WOW!!! Excellent-absolutely excellent. You did such a great job with this. I totally felt all your emotion. You're a very talented writer. I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
-Becca -
i really really REALLY REALLY know what you mean on this....and that feeling really sucks. i think this is great. i dont think it's at all choppy. it didn't seem like it to me, just seemed like that's how you wrote it. great job
-lei -
this is beautiful. i can feel myself dwelling on an incident like this, and these words coming out. you wrote it so wonderfully, i dont think i could have done better good job!
manda -
I think when you love someone you really can't let them go. Especially when there's that lingering emotion.
I loved this poem, it really fits for me right now.
As I can recall many a night where I watched "him" walk away and I was left wondering how I'd win him back. Painted the image of myself years ago. Thank you for that. Take care.
-m- -
AWESOME!!!
I loved this...it was very well written, and was so sad...You are an amazing poet.
~*~Stephanie Lynn~*~ -
Sorry Sarah, it is not awful. Give me a day... and I'll help ya out if you'd like ok?? love ya!!
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Aw this is a beautiful write sarah! Awesome awesome job!I can definitly relate to you on this girl! Well "could relate" So i know how ya feel! Im always here for ya! Great job!
**Hannah -
this was a heartfelt poem....the point was strong....its a sad poem.....but good....liked it....Dez
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Awwwww! I think I know what this is about! (I do, don't I?) I'm sorry you feel this way though! You know I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything! I think I kinda' know how you feel though. Great write, chicka! You should keep writing! Good job!
~*Samantha*~ -
This is awesome! (That and I wanted to try out the new applause thingy! It's nifty...This site get cooler and cooler everyday!)
You're very good a writing the deep emotional poems...As for the "choppyness", if you write a poem in thought format (you know...as in you're writing a poem, but it's thoughts), it's going to be choppy, because thought are. (I know mine are! LOL)
Anywho..This is excellent and I applaud you!
!~YS4e~!
Scarlett -
Ok... this is good. I think that the idea behind it is very good, but structurally it could use a lot of work. It feels a little choppy!!
Keep writing!!!!
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