Your words pour over me like boiling water
scalding me with expectation
of something greater than I am
My tongue is swollen with things
I cannot say to you
for fear of lengthening the distance
between our beating hearts
You think you are the only one with secrets
Burdens blackening and clotting in your blood
But my step is heavy
with the unspoken
Author notes
The distance of mind and body causes unexpected problems
all well meaning critiques are welcome and appreciated
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Excellent write with perfect metaphors. Yes, I understand the words you have penned. No communication sucks, I know. Wishing you the best.
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The first stanza sets the pace for this well spoken, well written poem.
And it's so true... not being able to say what we mean and want to say for fear of it not coming out the way we want it to. Letting these things unsaid, build up within us.
Good work
Dee
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Sadly this sounds like a poem someone wrote to me, and undoubtedly there is as much truth in your poem as there was in hers. But I guess we resolved that, I hope so anyway.
Like boiling water, that is just it...scalding, scathing. Last two lines say a lot.
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Very Good !
Verry good and true. You think and and write with unique style. Please write more !!!
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Wow the opening line of this really sears into the consciousness and the imagery is so powerful.I like the way this neatly captures that sense of wanting to say what we need but also the frustration of not being able to. Thought the final two lines were especially striking, great metaphor. I'm going in search of more of yours!! Thanks for sharing.
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My step is heavy with the unspoken,
your metaphors are outstanding
I do love this,it can easy relate to most.
very creative
God bless...
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"My tongue is swollen with things I cannot say to you..." What superb imagery for the situation you have created. So well expressed. Thank you.
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This is probably one of, if not my favorite post by you... I think it is something that so many of us can relate to and you have stated it so simply, so beautifully. Thank you for the wonderful read. Sorry it took me forever to get around to it.
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Wow, thanks Roxy! The funny thing about that poem is that everyone that reads it seems to get a different meaning out of it when I thought I was writting something pretty straight forward! And it just poured out of me, I didnt have to think about it or look up words to mess around in the thesaurus like I usually do so I'm surprised and delighted that its your favorite. I'll go see if you've posted anything new lately. You go quite a while between posts sometimes but I've noticed that the most talented writers often do. And talented you defidently are!
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I like the descriptions in this piece -- they are wonderful, and really relate.... I like how dark this is... telling a sad story here...
I think you did a pretty good job on this one.
Thanks for the read
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Awesome!
I like this piece! You got potential, kid! Keep it up. Look for more inspiration, and remember-it doesn't all come at once, sometimes only line by line or images individually, ultimately meaning to be linked. So keep a notebook always handy.
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I think this is the perfect expression of the anger and pain that comes from distance. Whether it is a physical distance or just emotional... or both.
Luv Ya
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I really dig this poem. Its so relatable for any person and you conveyed it very well.
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I loved reading this poem because it's something that i can definately relate to. Makes you think of secrets kept that could harm the relationship or even make it stronger if reviled. Great work.
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Really enjoyed this. Great concise words. The first stanza was my favorite; it just created such as powerful image in my mind. I love how you kept it ambiguous making it easier for the reader to relate to it. Well done.
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oh wow. I really like this one. It definitely hit home for me. I think this is the type of thing that everyone can relate to, and the metaphors in here are just perfect for this piece!! I really do love this!!! =D
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beautiful. The burden of carrying a secret and not being able to tell someone is painful.
"Your words pour over me like boiling water
scalding me with expectation"
These lines may be my favorite, great job -
If I got this straight, and I usually do, the initial character is spilling his collective guts to the writer. Yet the writer is tongue tied that the secrects revealed would separate the pair. This is a heavy weight that is hard to carry and slows the writer down due to the nature of the secrets as yet unrevealed. Loved it. BTW, if I am wrong scold me for presumption. RC
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I really like this poem it was like you read my mind and you don't even know me! It was absolutly beautiful and made me think about a situation I'm in.
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i really like the way this poem is set up i like how it goes into 2 lines and then one line each it really adds the perfect flow and body to this poem, i like how you say that you think you are the only one with secrets and i like the way you say that your step is heavy with the unspoken, this is really cool and it is set up nice, keep writing, -Amy
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