Indecision

I can't tell him.
It's been a month,
it hasn't been long enough.
What if he doesn't feel the same,
what if he thinks I'm crazy?
Worse, what if I'm wrong?
Can I love him after a month?
I've danced the fine edge
between coy and obvious,
I think he guesses,
I think he reciprocates,
but what if he doesn't?
If I say it and all there is
is deafening, heart-wrenching,
body-aching, edge-of-my-seat
silence...
The embarrassment would be epic.
Even worse, what if he does too?
If he responds by saying
those three precious words,
could I take it?
Could I sit, knowing the truth,
knowing that he means it,
knowing it could mean
everything to me?
What if I hurt him?
What if he hands me his heart
and I pulverize it?
Could I stand it?
Can he stand it?
I don't think I can survive
the dreaded I love you.