I was smashed.
Worn out,
Beat down,
Fed up.
I was sick of being used,
Abused,
Mistreated.
My heart was b.r.o.k.e.n.
My dreams were s/h/a/t/t/e/r/e/d
My thoughts were
s
p
i
r
a
l
l
i
n
g
Out of control.
My sanity was disappearing,
Leaving me to
R¬o¬t
All on my
Own.
Author notes
I hope this is OK for you.
This just kind of came into my mind and I had to get it down onto paper.
A contest entry
- SMASHED - Read all rules by ellipsist.
360 points, ended May 6, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like the flow to this - the way it seems to just stream naturally and even the layout of it (particularly the way the word "spiraling" has been typed out) seems to represent that - nice subtle use of slant rhyme....
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I absolutely LOVE the way you wrote "spiraling". "S/h/a/t/t/e/r/e/d" was pretty cool, but along with "broken" and "rot" it's all a little too "dirty pretty".
That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I don't think the judge is fond of "dirty pretty". Of course, I could be wrong.
This poem did have an excellent rhythm and flow, and you were careful to choose only words that added to the overall impact, avoiding being superfluous.
Well done and good luck!
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This is beautiful.
I love the way it's set out, stunning.
This is short and to the point. The way I love poetry to be :] and there's so much emotion in it.
And I love the ending! It's so powerful.
I just love the whole thing :] Isn't much else to say!
Another beautiful piece, and goodluck in the contest.
Arc-En-Ciel--x
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