I seal my lips,
the pain's a silencer,
for whispers in my head,
they continue to bang,
I miss you,
on repeat.
On this night,
those words I bury deep,
taunts me in my sleep.
Twisting around,
I find for your presence,
that smile, that frown,
It's not here,
My heart is sheared.
I am yearning,
but I can't see you,
if seeing you,
brings that thought,
of when shall I see you,
the next time again?
My mind's completely,
distraught.
It is achy,
the ache of longing,
The pain is,
crushing and numbing me,
my breath's abandoning me.
There is blood in my heart,
the last time we part,
It bleeds and drips,
It does not stop.
Pffft!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i can relate to this poem... its really good!!
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for whispers in my head,
they continue to bang,
I miss you,
on repeat.
Excellent write, I feel the longing within the words, your ending is as strong as the beginning, well done.
~E.
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Thanks for your lovely comment Erigeneia
Really appreciated it. =D
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a good poem -
My mind's a complete, - maybe take the a from this line so it just says complete?
my breaths abandoning me. - breath's as you are saying breath is...
the beginning works well but then i felt you lost interest in the poem and did not bother too much with the punctuation near the end. other than that a good piece
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Thanks so much for your advice, I did make the corrections.
If I use 'My mind's complete distraught,' it sounds off so I changed it to 'My mind's completely distraught,'. Is that better?
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almost forgot!
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now there is one pining heart singing in love! nice one Aura. After a long time
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this is really good
very good write
this is my favorite part
"There is blood in my heart,
the last time we part,
It bleeds and drips,
It does not stop"
i like the style of the poem
from the poems it sounds like you are missing someone really badly
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Thanks for reading this, yup I was missing someone that badly and the poem came about due to the intense longing I was having.
You keep on writing, as you have something in you that awaits to be expressed!
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