Tonight is the night that shall end it all,
I wish I was sorry for this horrendous fall.
You see, my life was invisible before your eyes,
And to follow my actions now, I would not advise.
Guilt, sadness, and loss of aspiration,
Are feelings that will come from my desperation
But sooner or later they will go away,
Just take and trust my word - you will be okay.
Caressing the pistol, I have many times before done.
And now I see that the bright in the dark will never come.
Stiff piece-
Are you sorry?
My eagerness to leave this world is as
Water is to a dehydrated counselor.
These walls of which surround me while I pass
are but stubborn boards of wood
Used and abused to create shelter.
Just as I was to this world -
Used and abused to be a daughter.
Sorrows are no longer a property of mine,
Embrace your blessings - go easy on the wine.
Please continue to sing your sweet song of life,
For all I know - it eases your strife.
Author notes
it's better if you read it out-loud.
suicide note.
A contest entry
- Dark Writes Options Contest by Devient.
500 points, ended April 19, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Don't do it. I need you to live. I want to know a nother soul did what i did.
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"You see, my life was invisible before your eyes,"
Great line, very powerful. Yu had a great start to this, the rhyme scheme was well done and flowed for the most part. However, as it went on, the rhyme scheme got scant and then depleted, what happened? I liked it, but would have enjoyed it more had it been written as either a flowing rhyme or free verse, a combination of the two makes it seem choppy and un-flowing. Good job though!
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the rhyme scheme, just like the person, dies.
does that make it better now you you get that? or should I improve it? -
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eh, i think that kind of makes it choppy, like i said before, even explained by ur rational. i dont want you to change it tho b/c that would be unfair to the other peolpe
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why wont it be fair? I always change poetry based on what the comments say.
explain please?? -
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*then
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ok, the do whatever i guess
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okay, I changed it. What do you think now?
have a great vacation!!
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its better, it still doesnt flow right though. the rhyme still randomly cuts off in the 3rd stanza. good job though
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Thanks... JESS helped me and she said that "it's amazing, I LOVE the way it flows - I would have given you gold"
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It's a good poem! I really wish people wouldn't commit suicide you know but we all have only the slightest idea of whats going through there minds when they do it. I know I would never be able to pull the trigger I think it would be to scary and besides that there are to many people that depend on me. This poem is really well expressed
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wow i love this poem.
really powerful poem,its just says so much!!! check out my poems x x x
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I'm actually not done writing this poem yet..
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