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Eloquent in fear

I feel
rather calm
circumstances considered.

Humor me
tell me
that you can love
without a broken heart.

Preach to me
say what you always do,
an over-used cliche.

This sort of fear
one where you lose
but love concurrently.

A time and place
you cannot recognize
Blurred by emotion
colorless, numbness.




Author notes

Option 4- title choices

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • notorious gold member
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    an over-used cliche'.
    A typo discovered here after the the word 'cliche'.

    I think you could have incorporated commas and you need to work on your poetry's formatting (e.g. when to capitalize, when to use periods/question marks/commas, when to start a new line/stanza, etc. for the most striking poetry).

    Onto the good...
    My favorite lines:

    "tell me you can love without a broken heart"
    There is hope clearly displayed here.

    "A time and place you cannot recognize/Blurred by emotion/colorless, numbness." Huh. This sounds exactly (in poetic form) how somebody would describe how weird love is.

    The last stanza seemed like filler to me--I would get rid of it, personally. I think if it had ended in "numbness", it would have sounded that much darker. Thanks for entering, and good luck.


    • Phlegm
      April 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. Just for the record, I got rid of the last stanza. It did sound a little filler-y.


  • Perception
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting strong piece of poetry here... questioning your love...

    Great imagery however, really strong emotions... almost commanding...


  • delightfulmess silver member
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Whew~ excellent emotional imagery here.
    Oh and I must say you have a wonderful AP name.


    Delila


  • ourgirlFriday
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome!

    I hope this wins the contest! It's very vivid in describing the emotional state in simplicity.
    Love it!


  • PatheticKt
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's been a little long time
    since I've seen a write about dark love
    and well, in your piece, I find that the words fit with the theme
    and how you've talked about love here in a dark aspect is a good expression in my opinion ^^
    good luck in the contest!

1 - 7 of 7