Watered adobes are hiding shades
whose viewings have secret places
all those rocky sanctuaries
where slow poke shells are exempt
their social grace
seeks other
worlds.
Author notes
Example 1
"Pasty skinned Zebra-lovers,
Sauntering up to anthill homes",<--- a great escape to a more humbling and safe environment. Most likely to be societal as well.
**Answer to verbial reference was to grace as 'shells' has its own action and possessive 'their' grace throws it off a little in the tongue. Still trying to configure something so it doesn't.hehehe
A contest entry
- Quirky Poetry That Actually Means Something by Sprite.
1500 points, ended April 20, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Option 2-I'm suffocating the clock to keep you
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like the line, where slow poke shells are exempt. Is there such a place? Words tumble off melodically. Very good.
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Oh, yes, this is very good, Sis. The references to watered adobes (or should it be 'abodes'?) and secret places give this piece a uniquely mysterious substance. A wonderfully penned poem and I wish you best of luck in the contest
love and
Dee
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Funny
Wow--I don't even know what an 'adobe' is...but this was good.
"all those rocky sanctuaries"
My favorite line...although I think 'these' would sound better than 'those', although I guess it's a preference of which pronunciation you prefer??
"are exempt from their social grace"
Amusing...it's like a wry comment.
...this doesn't really belong here, but I made another contest...haha.
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Oh, well you've a point there. "These" would sound more personal as if from the little sweet rocky reptile himself than an outsider who knows little of its contained environment. I am always grateful for honest critique. Always welcomed and considered!
Thank you!
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Very interesting write. I absolutely love your descriptions... They are wonderful! hehe...
Great write, and good luck in your connnnnntest
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Congratulations for being among the few who actually did the first part of the contest! THANK YOU. This is a charming write. Also interesting. I like the image of "watered adobes." Question: Is the word "seeks" referring to "shells" or "grace?" Either way, I think it should be "seeks."
Thanks for entering the contest!
~ Joyce
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