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once friends...now strangers

 

 

 

 

 

 

She once was here,

once lived and sang

strung words in lines

of fine declaration

 

of truth--

 

with dirtied drying scabs

dabbed in knowing's oil.

 

And how her lonesome voice

was raised,

perfectly praising

each foot as it climbed

 

to lend her sight

and cherished heart

to hunger and echoed existence

 

and plight pleaded sore

in core of care,

in each pause that gave cause

for concern.

 

Idle chit-chat passed with ease

by busy ears too full to refill

and fear was soon so gently allayed

and tears were wiped

from ashen cheeks

to restore all strength inside.

 

Kind eyes seldom searched

horizon's hurt harms

to harness relief in feelings feigned

and honesty reigned

upon palette's plate-

 

fating falsity's freedoms,

bleached by belief.

 

Soft fingers stretched

to linger awhile

in smiles

and sorrow

and poetry

 

yet bonds broke

to breathe weary

in woe's whitened sigh

'til eyes could weep no more...

 

And so she sat

some distance away-

 

a mere mirage

in thought tunnels of dismay

 

as fingers failed upon ivory flames

and names diminished

in yesterday's hush.

 

No more to rush

to aid and call

no verbiage voiced with desire,

no fires of fortune

fit to burst

 

just simple ashes from her funeral pyre.

 

And so she flew from those

she knew

to ascend such greater heights;

 

no fight for fairness

in silence sought

from needs and deeds

of low weighted worth,

 

just solitude brought

from comfort's caress,

to be swept in ebony's velvet hues

 

accompanied by her soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 67 of 67

  • Wickedruby1 gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply

    Very good

    Free verse flows so gently through this poem, it shows death to me in a more getle way than I have seen it before.

  • First of all, this is written incredibly well. I have felt emotions similar to this in my own life. You are an amazing poet, and truly have an undeniable talent for expressing powerful emotions in written word.

    I can only strive to reach this level of pure artistry.

    Truly, I'm floored by your words here.

  • A phenomenal poem

    You are truly a very gifted poet. This poem literally moved me to tears. Everything about it touched me deeply. You created magnificent layers of images with your so well-chosen words and made it flow musically and beautifully all the way through to the end. It's wonderful and a plesure to read.

    ~jj

  • This is really good. The assonance and alliteration in this is excellent. The imagery and emotion is really good as well. I'm not understanding how the title fits with the poem though. But I love the story within. Thanks for entering.

    Josh

  • A-muse-in-writer
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    well

    I like this, very freely written, but still with a story, a very tragic story and one that lingers. Beautiful creation here.


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that last line accompanied by her soul, it lingers in the mind is this saying her soul died with her?


  • Symphony
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As I said on the page, I'm not a huge fan of free verse, and find it hard to hold my concenration on it quite often.

    However the thought behind this poem, I enjoyed very much, for who hasn't found themselves in that situation - once friends, but now strangers. And you wonder, for each broken friendship, what was the cause behind it, what words were spoken, what sorrows traded in betrayal of loyalty ... Truly a thought provoking title.

    I will not pretend to have thoroughly enjoyed this, as, being free write, it just wasn't up my alley, but that in no way means it was badly written - just, different strokes for different folks I guess. But thank you ever so much for entering it, and supporting my contest


  • Tangled Angle
    June 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sad as much as it is amazing.
    however you, are just simply amazing.


  • Tercil gold member
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This sounds so much like a carer, who cared as much as they could till a time when all that hard work was not needed anymore. Quite a story.


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    June 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow.. and i mean wow. firstly let me say your use of words and vocabulary here is intense! the emotion behind this, i really felt. im not sure i understand the relationship between the poem and the title but i'm not very smart lmao.. well anyways really well done!! thanks so much for entering and i wish you the best of luck in my contest. also i noticed you did not put your username in your AN.. as part of the rules. just a reminder.


  • delightfulmess silver member
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Laura I have missed reading your wonderfully penned words. I too have felt similar to this of late.
    People I believed to be true turned or just simply faded away.

    Your words are always a pleasure to read. Sorry I havent been around much of late to read them.



    Delila

  • wendymolly
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    not too short, neither too long... makes for an even more enjoyable read! Overal, this is far better than anything I can write and so it is in my humblest of opinions that you be crowned a finalist in the contest!!! Take care and great blessings to you!!!
    ~pithyAplomb.

  • Uniquely-Scarred
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    BEAUTIFUL- YOU MAKE THIS PASSING OF A FRIEND SO BEAUTIFUL AND SUBTLE WITH THE LOVELY ALITARATION, THIS IS BRILL AS ALWAYS LAURA


  • Greaks
    June 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such depth ... beautiful WOrds... excellent expressions....

    I loved it~~~!!!

    especially ...

    ""Soft fingers stretched

    to linger awhile

    in smiles

    and sorrow

    and poetry""

    WAY TO GO!!!!


  • Gold Hat
    June 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You certainly do have a unique way of writing, a distinctive way of expressing yourself. And I see you have the confidence to enter two concurrent contests! Good luck to you.


  • Ratatoskr
    June 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this fating falsity's freedoms,bleached by belief, and this no fight for fairness in silence sought, from needs and deeds, of low weighted worth,

    Very nice, I loved the description. A great poem


  • RedAquarius
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So many segments speak to me but this:

    "Soft fingers stretched
    to linger awhile
    in smiles
    and sorrow
    and poetry" - just really went to my heart. It's so tender and vulnerable, reminds me of hearing a melancholy melody.

  • chiefmac
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Truly a sad account for life that appears to have been cut short of the average span that society establishes. Friends that will lay to rest will always be missed. Stanza at line 36 so true-yet
    bonds broke to breathe weary in woe's whitened
    sigh til eyes could weep no more. The power here leaves the reader to grasp at tears until there were no more to share. Your vivid images and presentation complements meaning.

  • WOW this is amazing work, the title grabbed my eye because me and my best freiend aare exactly that great work and I would really appreciate it if you would return the favour, love the depth you added to every line, truly masterful


  • m...c
    May 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Job well done.


  • nansie
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You certainly showed Love's Many faces, it was quite sad.
    Well written
    Love light and Peace
    Nansie


  • Funluvingrl16
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is amazing, you really put a ton of thought into this poem. i loved it. keep up the awesome work


  • unmasked synergy
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Laura you are one of the best persons I have ever met, I could care less what the world thinks- you will always mean alot to me thank you for being a wonderful friend
    love ya
    take care


  • howlinginpain
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    of truth

    with dirtied drying scabs
    dabbed in knowing's oil.

    AHHHH! AH! I love this...AH! How can I continue to read your work...I feel like I owe you for allowing me to read it's that good. Flow and rythm and rhyme and little power packed words clobbering my senses...A little dose of paradise in the vast putrid sea that is the internet. You are my oasis.


  • xDisasterous Angelx
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow...i loved reading this one..its on the top of my favorite list. very powerful write. keep up the good work

  • JWGoethe
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Powerful images, well expressed. A coherent whole, narrative and touching.. I loved it.


  • Hetha gold member
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely breathtaking


  • grannyeri gold member
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful alliteration in these lines, great flow and vivid visual images shared as well. Liked your interpretation of the theme of this contest.


  • vampirebloodlust
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I am astounded... its unbelieveable. wonderful job! i love it! Keep it up.


  • xXxDreamerxXx
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good job. very heart felt nice work


  • NeonRose
    April 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Many beautifully penned lines. Poignant, full of emotion. I love the ending.


  • Mr.Cat
    April 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good but too lengthy. Submit it to a few online magazines and see what they say


  • PerfectImperfection
    April 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is such an intricate piece of emotion, and well expressed thought. There is a pour of intensity coursing throughout each poignant strand. Pained, sullen, and so very beautiful. It is rare that I have the pleasure to read something that just leaves me speechless; otherwise I could say so much more. EXCELLENT WRITE!

  • lammert
    April 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    deep but lost in a forest of words...but still deep.check out mine


  • black lagoon x
    April 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ---And lovely it is,indeed.Amazing work, Laura. Great use of metaphor! take care,


  • Never Fall in Love
    April 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the spotlight


  • Justmenow
    April 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    an incredible poem, it reads beautifully and conveys so many faces of love, you are clearly very talented, well done


  • DogFish silver member
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great pathos from the begining to the end! The poem moves forward with the pace and dignity of a funeral march!


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have truly captured the many faces of love in your piece. Adding dimension to the feelings that we have when we feel the emotions you have so brilliantly described.
    Beautifully written. Good luck in the contest.
    Soulful Woman


  • deedee37
    April 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome

    I wish i could write like that!!. Very good poem. I like the words chosen for this poem.


  • eltortedequeso
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A nice read, it was a little too long for me, but i did still get a lot out of it. The choice of words was excellent and very well thought out.


  • OnceUponAMind silver member
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this poem really swept me away. Imagery from a different demension. Great Poem.


  • Kwalk
    April 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    It's very good. That's all I can think of to say.

  • Nick B.
    April 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    Thats all i can say.
    It brought a very familiar feeling.


  • ennovy silver member
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Dynamic Piece of Art

    You have captured many faces of love, life and emotions. You are a word wizard and the magic is here for us to enjoy as I did.

    My fave:
    "fating falsity's freedoms,
    bleached by belief."

    Thank you for writing this masterpiece...novy




  • Lsh-x
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this poem is very powerful and the use of Vocab is incredible. This free verse poem is very creative. And i agree with the last poem, it has some kind of flow to it, and it's really good.

    Keep on writing you posess a talent.

    Laura


  • Sew in Dark Matter
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    some of this went by me without meaning but the parts i could actually chew on more than made up for it. i have to give praise for the honesty i feel in it...and the lack of pretentious "good writing" i usually find on this site. good write, it meant alot to me.


  • phantomwriter
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is breathtaking. Your vocabulary usage is exquisite. Though this is free verse, there is a rhythm and a flow that isn't always present in similar poems. Beautiful metaphors. Overall, a fantastic write


  • honorable mention
    April 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice write. very beautiful and deep


  • Peteskid gold member
    April 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful in such poignant expression here the writer seems able to let feelings dwell in these verses and the reader is able to sense and experience so very much..wonderful work...PK


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    April 18, 2008

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    This is beautiful, Mummy! It's so tender and loving, yet sad, and it reminds me of people I loved once, who are no longer a part of my life. There's nothing more tragic than a one-sided friendship, and I'm sorry if you're going through this right now... You know I love you, and I'm always here to talk if you need me. Love you loads, Mummy, and good luck in the contest!


  • sapphireangelwings
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I found myself intrigued all the wy through to the end. Loved the imagery and I think it flows quite nicely. I won't repeat them but I had several verses that really struck me. Thanks for sharing!


  • Nicotine Eyes
    April 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow.
    Nicely Written. Vey deep with emotion and a wonderful write. Nice job, Keep it up.

  • Durlon
    April 17, 2008
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    well done

    Flows well, good imagery and alliteration.

  • ecrivain01
    April 16, 2008

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    Quite ...

    an intriguing write. There are a few awkward places (at least to me), but this alone would raise this far above the level of most of what I see here:

    Soft fingers stretched
    to linger awhile
    in smiles
    and sorrow
    and poetry

    yet bonds broke
    to breathe weary
    in woe's whitened sigh
    'til eyes could weep no more...

    And so she sat
    some distance away-

    a mere mirage
    in thought tunnels of dismay

    the imagery there is miraculous. All in all, this is a fine poem on a rather difficult subject. Very nice and very nicely done.



    • Laura Lamarca gold member
      April 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Jim, your approval of this piece means so very much to me. I hope you're well


  • FallingTwilight
    April 16, 2008

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    Beautifully written... great choice of words. Excellent piece. Best of luck


  • Never Fall in Love
    April 16, 2008
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    *sigh*
    With such a title, what else can I say?

  • carole21
    April 16, 2008

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    excellent

    excellent tribute . . liked "strung words in lines of fine declaration" and "to ascend such greater heights" . . good luck in the contest . . well done and does help those who don't know how to grieve . .


  • Gone
    April 16, 2008

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    I was drawn in by the title, and not let down by the content, of this piece. You paint a vivid picture of melancholy, and almost of despair. However, I enjoyed how the last line lifted my emotions, someone once told me that for any good sad piece of music or writing, a message of hope has to be present. If hope is gone, then there is surely nothing to write about!

    I liked this poem, and hope to read more of your work!

    James
    x


  • DarkenedAuras
    April 16, 2008

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    Beautifully penned

    This was sorta sad but so beautifull that you seem to lose the sadness it carries. I enjoyed most of the poem but my favorite lines were
    "no fight for freedom
    in silence sought
    from needs and deeds
    of low weighted worth"


  • frownsnfreckles
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'and so she flew from those
    she knew
    to ascend such greater heights'

    only to find solitude doesn't hold the answer and the 'once friend, now stranger' is a fragment of the Self left behind


  • JoyfullMask
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good Work

    I enjoyed the poem it was written well god luck on the contest just say that in advanced lol its a long poem i dont useally bother to read these but i liked it so im glad to be able to have one keep m interested the entire length of the poem. i truely felt your fealings in this page but i must ask was is this fact or fiction these fealings at least let me know thatnks anyways "Good Work" keep it up
    Signed
    The Masked One


  • XScreamMeALoveSongx
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great!

    "no fight for freedom
    in silence sought
    from needs and deeds
    of low weighted worth"
    those lines were my favorites, =) This is great, full of emotion.
    xXx-xXx

1 - 67 of 67