You ask me over, and I don't mind if you do.
just try to remember that I once said I was in love with you.
Just try to remember you broke my heart
on that fateful night when you tore our lives apart.
You left me.
you say that miss me, but that cannot be,
because if you returned from where you had been...
you would have found pieces of my heart on the highway
and put me back together again.
Author notes
Originally written on March 14th, 2008
A contest entry
- The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Give me a critical thought.
Comments
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I think this is a very creative way to express these specific emotions. I enjoyed the rhyme scheme and everything seems to flow together except for the last stanza.. perhaps instead of
"because if you returned from where you had been...
you would have found pieces of my heart on the highway
and put me back together again."
maybe keep equivalent meter-
"because if you returned home from where you had been
you would have found pices of my heart on the highway
and have come back to put me together again."
or something like that ... otherwise, a great work!
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