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The Rampage

Your teak counter-tops barely hold weight
although crashing through the kitchen isn't an approved test.
I've tweaked the fret-boards and stayed up late
to compose the rhythms that suit you best.

 

It sounds like this, a kick in the door

It pounds with fists, a drunken score.

Like punk kids, with sticks in stores

you have torn it up

 

When the cops arrive, be sure to faint

it seems to give you the one-up on prodding questions

Another spell, you spill like paint

You sent me to hell with wrong directions.

 

Have to explain the kicked in door

The cuts on fists and the whiskey pours

Another bull in a china store

i have torn it up

 

 

 





 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Nothing But No
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Now, I must admit this doesn't take on a song feel to me but I congratulate you on a silver trophy well earned none the less. I'm also not a fan of rhyme but you've pulled it off in a way here where it wasn't overbearing on the rest of the piece. You have pure talent.


  • Karl Weiss - Topaz gold member
    May 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done, a very good description of turbulent times. My best wishes to you.


  • Truetome
    April 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    congrats on the contest!


  • insearchofsweetness
    April 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for explaining a bit on the side. . .congrads!

  • insearchofsweetness
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!!!

    This is definitely one of my top two favorite "songs" in my contest. . .I really like it. . .one problem. . .since I put "no malice" in the rules it kind of breaks the rules... I don't want to kick it out of the contest because it is so good and I don't think it blatantly broke the rules or anything but that is the only reason it's not top two

    Loved reading your stuff!


  • letters to no one
    April 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing!


  • insearchofsweetness
    April 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You really sound like you are a song writer, so if you aren't maybe you should be! Very nice.


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    That's a cool wicked song....

    Many ways to read into to it too, i bet we all took
    different spins on this.
    way to go! it's a really catchy tune!
    ears/Seattle
    oh, man..if i'm humming this darn song all week,
    you are really screwed! giggle. just teasin'ya!
    ears/Seattle's rockin' it out granny.


  • j-ay rose
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yikes. such an angry piece of work. however, i will admit i did find the ending to be predictable, but at least you wrote it creatively.

1 - 10 of 10