Let the band strike up a tune,
something new and something old.
Something solid, something gold.
"You are my soul"
Does that sound familiar?
Kiss the boy
make him feel this way.
"Well this is me"
All this has been
so ugly all these lives,
so why change now?
Is this how this goes down?
Right before unblinking eyes,
this is the saddest sight
blindness will never see.
Quiet.
The loudest sound the deaf will never hear.
A familiar chord.
"We never talk"
But leads to the next verse
don't dare ask why.
"Well woe is me"
How different these become,
no one understands dear,
no one really cares.
it was right,
right from the start.
It takes everything it has,
but then it breaks
the new things.
Pass away,
lights flicker once.
Did it gutter out?
Turn off?
The amplifier kicks
the solo begins.
Away from sadness,
from the nothing
it feels for everything.
Right before blindness comes sound.
Just before deafness comes sight.
"Hey listen, because I'll only say this once."
"I finally found the words to say."
"Goodbye my soul."
Author notes
Depression
A contest entry
- You Think You Can Write, eh? by Jasmine Rayne.
650 points, ended April 19, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
725 points, ended April 21, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where's my stinkin' trophy? by Great Cthulhu.
1500 points, ended April 25, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Intimacy by RunningFree.
525 points, ended May 6, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You're not listening to me are you? by Amazon Huntress.
450 points, ended May 11, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything-prewrites allowed-2nd contest by Midgetbridgey.
350 points, ended July 11, 2008, 245 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I will comment once the contest is nearly finished :) best of luck plx comment me :) -midgetbridgey
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Nice flow, good weave of ideas between the analysis of cliche quotes and the gig going on. Very easy to read type of poetry but disceptively there's a lot going on here.
Thanks for entering!
*~Huntress~* -
After reading through this the second time, I caught the line, "You are my soul" at the beginning that matches the ending line of "Goodbye my soul."
I like how you have woven a band playing into a conversation. I also like the imagery in these lines:
lights flicker once.
Did it gutter out?
Turn off?
The amplifier kicks
the solo begins.
Away from sadness,
from the nothing
it feels for everything.
I think I would prefer if the lines were not as short and there was less between the beginning line about your soul and the ending. I almost missed it! There were themes that you repeated that could be just written once.
Overall, an enjoyable read. -
This is an impressive view into the soul of sadness. I enjoyed the imagery you used. These are my favorite lines: "Pass away,
lights flicker once.
Did it gutter out?" - nice alliteration. Keep your pen to the page and thanks for entering!
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This has a staccato feel to it, in some places it reads almost like a list -
but I can appreciate the sentiment that is strong throughout.
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This poem was a little confusing at the beginning as to what emotion was trying to be portrayed, but at the end, it proved raw emotion. I loved this piece.
Keep it up!
-Lily♥
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