Sweet Lull Upon Anthemusa
Beyond the waves of Poseidon's sea
Cursed to be bound to these cliffs
We sing our sweet song to unwary mariners
Lost upon ships and skiffs
Within Anthemusa, the flowery home
Our melodies of flute and harp
Lull simple seamen to rocky shores
For death by claws so sharp
Our existence had not always been
What its sorely come to be,
Once we were kin to Persephone
'Til stolen beyond the sea
Searched in vain, we had so long
Gifted with wings and voice
To chase by grace of divine Demeter
And together, again rejoice
But failed it had, and damned we are
To sing our song of despair
Across ocean waves, beyond our sight
To men brave enough to dare
Many had fallen, prone to our verse
Feeding our loathing joy
Until one so wise, evading demise
Made birth from the shores of Troy
Weary from war were the Argonauts
A prey so easy to snare
But under the veil of deception bred
Within music of Orpheous care
Emotions enraged beyond our control
Tricked by men so useless
But taken one, our song had done
By the name of ambitious Butes
But even he, so weak to see
Powerless to whispers of lust
Promised to another, saved from our grasp
By arms of Aphrodite's trust
So say what you might, of our meaningless plight
Of our toils through legend and myth
For upon the sea, we'll search for thee
And death be the given gift
For daughers of river and muse alike
Creatures enslaved to this fate
Encased in our shells of lady fair
We lull to the men we hate
Imprisoned upon this island of meadows
Playing sonnets of dazzling fear
From the hollows in Anthemusa
Just listen, and you will hear
A contest entry
- Sultry Seductress of the Sea by Pamela A Lamppa.
2625 points, ended May 15, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Ahh you sing the tale well in this lovely rhyme. Good solid rhyme and lovely meter becomes this tune. Utterly enchanting. Thank you for your wonderful entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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Ah! I like this. You put so much effort and care into penning this. It's been a long time since I've read about sirens, but you make the plight of their prey cry upon the sea winds. I enjoyed the mythology you portray here, very much. The next time I'm on the beach and listen to the music of the sea, I will have to think of this, and of the men who have lost their lives to their love of the sea.
(My son no longer makes his living out there, but he could have been one of them.) ~K
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I am blessed to know that my piece touched someone. Other than my own enjoyment, I write in the hopes that it will touch someone's heart in one way or another.
Justin
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This gives the feel of a sea chanty being sung on the high seas...
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wow I really really like this! I just saw Rose's comment and I suck a rhyme so I can't really advise. It flowed okay for me XD You're so much better at it than me! The story was brilliant and beautiful. Wonderful piece and good luck! *tries to think of good criticism* uh....
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Thanks Yuna, I'm just glad you read my piece nonetheless. Feedback or not, its great to get the opinion of someone I admire on this.
Justin
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Aha, yes, we both alighted on the Isle of Anthemusa for our poems, and made the same classical allusions. I like the rhythm you are trying to achieve here (but try not to mix "you" and "thee"), and overall this is a pretty good poem.
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I like the story in your entry, Justin, but the rhyme puts me off a bit. I can't get into the rhythm of it, and it seems to be random in some lines of the stanzas. You'll have abcb for one stanza, then abab for another, and then some internal rhyme. It really puts off the flow for me and makes it slightly difficult for me to follow.
Other than that, there is nothing wrong with this piece. You just need a bit more consistency.
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I'll see what I can do to smooth it out. I needed so good criticism, so thanks a bunch.
Justin
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oooh I like this
These lines:
"But our existence had not always been
What it had they sorely come to be"
I think you want that second line to read:
What it has so sorely come to be.
Plenty of time to update. I am only peeking now for obvious typos, grammar, spelling and punctuation.
Can't wait to come back and dive into this mythological tale. Dear poet, you have done your homework.
I will be back. ~Pamela
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