She'd be just fine without him,
she'd go on day to day.
There's voices calling to her,
yet something says 'just stay'.
She knows life waits for no one,
you just have to keep moving,
but even though her path is clear,
her heart is disapproving.
She's feeling lost and weighted,
like she's forgotten something.
In her mind, his sad words echo;
she's scared she offers nothing.
But she wont let that stop her,
wont let him fall from grace.
She'll stand her ground for his sake,
these trials she will face.
Crystal Kerr
04~15~08
DED2NRG
A contest entry
- Quickie Quote Prompt # 6 by BluesMan.
875 points, ended July 16, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - unconditional love by Moonlightdragon.
600 points, ended August 29, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Well said
Love is to be able to stand as separate but together
Thank You for your entry
Robert
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The punctuation is fine ...
but the inverted last line is a killer as far as your chances here. I dislike inverted lines in rhymed poems anyway, but the last line is worse being the most important line in the poem.
Thanks for entering anyway. -
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Actually I think I may have misread the instructions. I'm going to enter a different poem. Let's call it a whim. I'm not expecting much in winnings and such... but either way the criticism is appreciated. =]
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like words taken from my own heart. only i failed. meh. as always, excellent piece. perhaps it's only my own personal issue, but i find the over-punctuation a but distracting.. but, this coming from a chick who uses hardly any if at all, i must say it's your choice. otherwise, a true poet thou art
~m~
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Very heart felt Thank you for entering my contest
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